February Tidbits

A collection of moments from recent days, now in the last week...

At long last, Friday! It doesn’t actually make that much of a difference whether it’s a weekday or weekend (because the work just continues) but somehow the completion of another school week is a small accomplishment. Some weeks we survive, some weeks we thrive. I’m trying to figure out how to tip the balance into the thrive category more consistently, and I am often left wondering if thriving is mostly an illusion during this phase of life. Maybe mere survival is a feat I should simply be thankful for. 

I tell myself just to do the task at hand, and then the next, and the next thing after that… until the day closes and I remember that everything else was not meant for me to do. God doesn’t call me to accomplish certain things then deny me the time to do it. To say, "I don't have time," is a fallacy. We do have the time, but only to do certain things. It takes wisdom and discipline to figure out what it is I am called to do, and then to do those things at the neglect of other seemingly good things. We will each give an account for how we used our time and talent. It seems I have to learn and relearn that other people's thoughts and expectations on how I divide my time and energy will not matter when I stand before God. I am also reminded that Jesus pulled away from the vast and legitimate needs around him. He always did was was most important, not necessarily that which appeared most needful.

Incidentally, pulling away to a quiet place to pray was frequently most important, regardless of the very real and pressing human needs around him. May I learn to discern what is most needful and important, too.

Maybe learning to do this while not feeling guilty and defeated about all the rest is the secret to thriving…

>>:<<

I’ve sat down to blog a number of times this week, sort of as a mental break. Mostly those attempts have amounted to nothing, as interruptions and pressing needs require my attention. But that’s OK. My days have been so varied, it’s often hard for me to gather all the odd bits of time and journal something sensible. I don’t think I know how. These are just a few random tidbits of the week that have come to mind:

* Twister is a fun family game. OK, maybe it’s a highly inappropriate game for mixed company, and the conversations/responses it encourages is less than classy, but it has given us some time of family laughter. Everyone should play it. Maybe consider taking the game out again after your kids go to bed and play a round or two with just your husband… :)

* I’ve loved living by the ocean. I know, who wouldn’t, right? Ocean weather can be so interesting. We had a heavy fog covering yesterday while most other areas were basking in sunny rays. My kids and I enjoyed watching long, wispy ribbons of fog waft into our yard, over the palm trees, then up and over our house. My neighborhood was covered in a soft gray blanket by late afternoon, and droplets of water speckled my skin as I ran. I’m not sure why I mention it here, except to say that the fog was a particular beauty that captured our attention. Michael and Olivia enjoyed it, too, as they biked into town to complete some school at a coffee shop. 

* At the notary yesterday, I signed my name over and over again until it no longer looked like my signature. It was almost as if I was unable to sign normally no matter how much I tried, and my normal identifying mark became unfamiliar. It made me wonder how often the act of repeating mundane tasks in my everyday life can threaten to confuse my identity. May I remember who I am in Christ (my truest identity) no matter how mundane and repetitive life may feel.

* I pray for my children everyday. I pray with them everyday too, though I would like to pray together even more. Recently, as I asked for each of their requests, I was encouraged by their responses: to receive correction and instruction humbly, to grow in faith, to grow in patience towards a particular person, for wisdom in making some decisions….

* To hear my boy say, "Thanks for doing my laundry," without being prompted made me happy.

>>:<<

I have been sorting my computer files and preparing to transfer my 2016 pictures to an external hard drive. These are pictures from the end of the year.

Recently, someone asked how my kids feel about being preacher's kids. This is an interesting topic, and I'm looking forward to hearing my kids' thoughts a decade or two from now! We talk about it quite a bit, and I have spent many, many hours considering the issue from many perspectives. This is not the place/time to discuss this subject at length, but Jon and I have endeavored to point out the many benefits and privileges our kids receive despite the challenges. For one, we are upheld in prayer and support by far more people than those who are critical or who look for faults. We've also have the opportunity to build relationships with various types of people, some that would not normally be accessible to us. We are the recipients of many blessings and privileges to be sure.

These pictures are from one such experience. A sweet couple from church chose to treat our family with some sailing (and wale watching for wales that never showed). 

I sat bundled up in the corner, so my pictures are mostly at strange angles.

Olivia and Michael both were involved in steering and changing the direction of the sails-- such cool exposure for them.

Snow covered mountains in the distance

Six people was the max on the sailboat, so Olivia and I stayed behind while the younger boys took our place. We enjoyed a rare girls-only lunch with our hostess, just getting to know her better. I was intrigued by her story, and have thought many times about our encounter since then. To hear about her life and commitment to present responsibilities ministered to me in such a special way. Stories of our past are so important. They bring such color and meaning to the present, and can testify of God's mercy and grace in such a beautiful manner. Anyway, it was a sweet afternoon for which we are grateful.

>>:<<

Well, another week is underway. It is surely going to be a good one!

~Katherine

For the Weary Mom

It was late Tuesday night and I thought the next day was Friday. Certainly it felt like it ought to be. By Wednesday night, it felt like I'd lived two weeks already, and now it's technically Friday morning and I'm just wrapping up Thursday.

My days are full. Moms everywhere say it all the time, but I think I've reached an extreme. Maybe most moms live at this extreme, but I have a feeling not really. I don't wear busyness as a badge of honor; rather, it makes me wonder if I'm going about life all wrong. Busyness is one thing, but I feel like my situation borders on madness at times. It seems I spend much of my day in a state of sweat, such is the exertion of my work and responsibility.

I ran out the door late this afternoon on my way to doing something I thought would benefit the boys. I knew the results would be costly in time and energy, and would impact me late into the evening. As I grabbed my bag and climbed behind the steering wheel, a picture passed through my mind that described how I feel most days. This mental picture was of a rubber chicken or some chew toy that was being thrashed around by a snarling, drooling, wide-eyed bull dog. My days, and the expectations and trials therein, are the snarling dog. I am the chew toy. Sometimes I feel like I just want to shut my eyes tight and hope to come through the day without too many pieces torn loose.

Ok, maybe that's a little extreme, but that is actually what came through my mind. My life is actually not one of violence, but I often do emerge at the end of the day feeling somewhat thrashed and torn by it. For a few moments at the end of it, before exhaustion overtakes me, I lay in the dark feeling the figurative whiplash and a dizzying spin still plays out in my head.

My days are long. Conversations I have with my teens during the daylight hours, for instance, continue on late into the night. I am after hearts, and issues of the heart take time. Much time. A recent late conversation hit an impasse, probably with pride getting in the way of both sides. I must be the kind of mom that isn't always right, never conveying the idea that I'm inerrant. And yet when I believe I must point out an issue in the life of my teen, they must display enough humility to receive this observation and counsel from a parent God has expressly placed in their life. Impasses are so draining, though. I seek to influence my teens, to open their eyes to the possibility they are not aware of all things (wink), and mostly, to encourage them to evaluate their life according to God's standard of holiness. In the end, I am not what my kids need most-- not my counsel, observations, opinions, or solutions. They need God. I encouraged this individual to take what I had said and bring it to the Lord, asking Him to reveal sin, if necessary. He is the perfect judge, and He loves to lead us both gently.

Tonight, I didn't get out for my run till nearly 10pm. I run for many reasons, including to build physical strength and endurance to live through my days. It is hard work, but I keep choosing to push myself, to not take the "easy road."

I've made a choice to be a certain kind of mom - a certain kind of woman - and the consequences are felt nearly every waking moment. I'm no super woman, so yeah, that often leaves me empty, depleted, running on fumes. I am not ultra skilled, or especially gifted, and talent in me is hardly to be found. But the one thing I hope could be said of me is that I am fiercely committed to a few key roles and to a handful of people, and in those I don't often take shortcuts or the easy road. I never imagined this season of life to be this hard, that it would be this exhausting, that strength of all kinds would be required beyond my capacity. Fierce commitment is vital.

If we are to compare life to a race, I want to run it with endurance. Endurance is what we need when the run is long and hard. I want to give it all I've got, so that I am completely spent when I get to that glorious finish line and hear the blessed words, " Well done, good and faithful servant."

But right now, at this place in time, the race is hard, I am weary, and the prize at the end seems so very unattainable. I need the aid station along the way where I can replenish. And I need to hear the cheer from those who know something of my heart and situation. If I am to continue successfully to the end, then I must let God replenish and strengthen me, filling my being with His power and my soul with His breath of life. And we, fellow runners, must cheer and encourage each other on.

So, dear hard-working sister in Christ, I acknowledge that this race is difficult. With the strength that only the Lord Almighty can provide, keep replenishing and keep keeping on. With blood, sweat and tears, work hard and don't give up! The prize may seem distant, even unattainable, but set your sights on it. Fix your eyes on Christ!

And that yearning you feel, that sort of emptiness and dissatisfaction with the relentless spin and thrash of this life and this work? Remember it just shows us we are not yet home, that we are not yet whole, that on our own we will surely fall short. Keep your eyes on Jesus; He is our completer and finisher, our prize, our satisfaction, our all!

"I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." Phil. 3:14

"...let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God."  Heb. 12: 1b-2

"His master said to him, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your master.’" Matt. 25: 21

~Katherine

Thirsty?

Monday. Check.

Many people have already returned to school, but not us. It didn’t feel like a summer Monday, though. I began to feel tightening in my chest and throat, that feeling that tells me things are about to get crazy busy again. In some ways I like the feeling of maximizing my days, squeezing the life out of it, and doing as much as I possibly can. On the other hand, I don’t like the focused, get-out-of-my-way, forget-to-smile person that I become. It’s not the kind of wife and mom I like to be, so I must look for ways to balance it all out.

This morning was marked by figurative loads of school related admin, and actual load of laundry. The afternoon was marked by learning about work permits, online class orientation, guitar lessons, Costco (and being late to pick up from lessons by 15 minutes), gas fill-up (no time, but I’d get stranded otherwise), appointments at the orthodontist, drop-offs/pick-ups of people and things, more orientations, and football practice. While at practice with Jack, Jon called to see if he could help out with dinner. I love him. He is understanding and doesn’t make me feel bad for not having dinner ready before he heads out for evening meetings. He works hard too, but is always so willing to help me. Tonight was more laundry, a workout with some of my kids, a long discussion with one of my sons, and the beginning of reorganizing and preparing the school room. I didn't get our bedsheets back on our bed till nearly 11:00, and now here I am.

I’d like to say that we got it all done, but it looks like tomorrow will be a similar repeat of today. It’s a mix of trying hard each day, getting things done, winning, failing, trying again. Also, coming along side each other as often as possible.

Sigh. The art of balancing it all as a wife/mom/homemaker is something I strive for. It’s really just learning what’s important and what’s not, when to say ‘no’ and when to say ‘yes,’ that people are more important than projects and goals, and that smiling in the busyness doesn’t take extra time. I am reminded just now that peace and joy, self-control and kindness, and also gentleness are fruits of the Spirit. God is here to help at all times, whether they be times of crazy or times of calm.

My goal is to work extra hard at the outset of the week and reserve some days to soak up a few more care-free summer days. Balance, right?

>>:<<

Last week the kids and I returned to our newest surf spot. We were late leaving in the morning, and disappointed when we discovered a long line of cars to get into the state park. We decided to wait it out, never expecting the holdup to last over an hour. When we finally entered, we found out there was some sort of Volkswagen convention. VW's everywhere.

Waiting. Looking.

Cool, yes?

The little rose caught my eye in this one...

My favorite picture of the day: Olivia and her friend, and Jack as we headed back to our truck after a satisfying day.

>>:<<

Thirst. It has been on my mind for more than a week now. In particular, a verse from the passage of scripture that was read in church two Sundays ago has been heavy on my mind.

"On the last day of the feast, the great day, Jesus stood up and cried out, “If anyone thirsts, let him come to me and drink."    
John 7: 37

Jesus cried out and made this invitation! It grabbed me and made we wonder, do I really thirst? Do I have an honest desire for the Lord, the kind that yearns for him relentlessly? The Psalmist said, "As the deer pants for the water brooks, so my soul pants for You, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God..."  I have been challenged to search myself and ask if I have a true craving for God, or if I find satisfaction in the temporary gifts He has given me here. Do I desire the Giver or just the gifts?

I decided to look a little further. Jesus said in Matt. 5: 6, "Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied." Yes! This I understand. I have been satisfied! This comes through seeking God's righteousness rather than striving for my own. My satisfaction has come through receiving a right relationship with God through Jesus Christ. In this way, I am fully, 100% satisfied.

Yet, if I have a relationship with God, there should certainly be a continual thirst, so to speak, for Him. This kind of thirst should be persistent, unrelenting, and only quenched temporarily while in communion with Him, and fully quenched someday in glory. I want this thirst!

But I am left with the fact that I'm fickle and easily distracted and often satisfied by that which doesn't truly satisfy.

So I'm telling God about it and asking Him to give me a greater passion for Him. It seems so backward, even weak and silly: My worship to God is humbly telling Him I have a hard time desiring Him and asking Him for help. But this is how needy I am for His help.

The end of God's Word, in Revelation 22: 17, tells us, "The Spirit and the bride say, "Come." And let the one who hears say, "Come." And let the one who is thirsty come; let the one who wishes take the water of life without cost." 

Imagine that! This is the invitation to you and to me! No cost, just come! This is the summation of God's desire for us, "Come," that our thirsty soul would be quenched.

He is so worthy of it... of my hunger and thirsting and worship and my all. And I come with nothing but He still beckons me to come, and to keep coming again.

We sang THIS song in church just shortly after the passage from John was read, and it helped me to realize that the quality and depth of my thirst for Him will never match what God deserves, nor could it ever come near to reaching the end of His limitless supply for me! Tonight I am also reminded of a lyric from Sara Grove's song, Open My Hands, that says, "Thirst is no measure of his faithfulness,

He withholds no good thing from us."

It's a wonderful thing to think on as I head to be tonight... er, I mean this morning!

~Katherine

Springtime, Prayer, and Catching Up

I've been too busy to blog. No, rather, God has not given me the time and the motivation to blog.

I dislike when people complain about being busy. I dislike when people talk about busyness as if being busy somehow elevates one's importance or usefulness in life. It doesn't. I once read a pin on Pinterest that resonated with me: "Stop the glorification of busy." 

But life is very full right now. It's not really a complaint, though, and I don't think I'd be content if I had a whole lot of time and energy to spare. However, sometimes I think life is too full of good things, and the best things get crowded out. Being busy can rob us of the best things in life. It's hard for me to know what needs to be cut out right now. Recently, I've often wished I could consistently depend on a few less hours of sleep. 

I been thinking how I'd love more time to pray. Prayer is one of the best things of life that can easily get crowded out. It is more accurate to say that we allow prayer and time in the Word to get pushed aside. It is said that the busier we are, the more time we need to devote to prayer each day. I believe it. I have so much on my heart, so many supplications to make, some burdens I need to unload, and I long for more prayer. I'm pretty sure that God would provide the energy I need even if I gave up sleep to commune with him. If he calls me into a communicative relationship with him, he will surely provide all that I need to do so. I am no longer satisfied with waking up and falling asleep in prayer, driving in the car alone and praying out loud (so my thoughts don't drift), and shooting up "flare" type prayers during the crisis moments. I want more. I need more.

As far as busyness goes, I think it's important to distinguish between simply a full and frantic schedule, and true industry. I keep asking myself if I'm actually being productive, and wether my work is done unto the Lord. Does my life please Him, and is my work laying up treasures in heaven for his glory? I long for his smile and to hear the words, "Well done, good and faithful servant." I ought to commit this to prayer.

>>:<<

Well there. That was a random introduction. I love coming here and seeing what just pours out. Writing out in this journal/blog helps me gather up and package the many fragmented bits of thoughts and desires that stream in and out of my thoughts.

If a blog could collect dust, this one would be due for a spring cleaning! The boys and their friends were in the pool/spa this weekend, and Michael and his friend were at the beach. Our beach town was super crowed with spring break vacationers last Saturday night while Jon and I spent some time out. We are in sandals and light, airy clothes on most days. I'm in a spring-training of sort, running and exercising regularly once again. So yes, spring is here!

When there is a prolonged amount of time between my posts, I don't really know how to pick up and keep going. I don't really like to do a "catch-up" of events, but at the same time I find it somewhat helpful. It's a place to start, a way to fill in the gaps. March will stand out as special in our memories because I had some of my extended family here for the whole month. I hope to do a little updating soon.

And so, in the interest of catching up in chronological order, I am dumping some pictures which were taken before the month of March.

A  backyard "pet" for Jacob.

Evidences of spring...

An afternoon get-away at an avocado grove. It does us so much good in the midst of full weeks.

Love bugs! I couldn't resist...  ;)

Kumquats...

...and oranges

Fort building, then Jon joining us... a happy surprise!

A fun arrangement by the breakfast table

~Katherine

Winter and Storms

Tomorrow has a full line-up of activity and obligation, and I'm pretty certain I won't be able to tackle it all. Sometimes the reality of never completing everything by day's end weighs on me, and tonight I already feel defeated by tomorrow. I'm STILL learning that I just need to do the next thing faithfully, then the next, and the next. What's left at the end of a day wasn't mine to do. In reality, all the to-do items really don't matter if they are just checked off to satisfy my sense of accomplishment. God rewards faithfulness, not checked of items on a list. God looks at the heart, and that can't be measured by an external standard of accomplishment.

And so tomorrow I will wrestle against my natural tendency to do, and I will strive to be who God calls me to be, regardless of what I must do. Being faithful to him and walking in relationship with him will change the way I go about my doing.

>:<

Tonight I am up to  my eyeballs with Olivia's test results. She took several standardized tests over the course of recent months, and I'm trying to interpret what they all mean. She's a smart cookie. She's in 9th grade and already has college credit. We're in another stage of making decisions since she is wrapping up course work early (and must continue on with something new till the end of the year) and class registration for the new school year is starting soon. She can take a mix of independent study, online classes, high school classes, and community college next year, but determining the best mix seems tricky. We want to be good stewards of her time and talent. And yet school is not everything. It's often said that the world is run by C-students anyway. And just because she can manage an academically heavy load, doesn't mean she should.

>:<

I forced myself to interject some fun and relaxation into our weeks. Not only do I benefit, but so do the kids. I noticed the disposition of one my boys changed drastically over the Christmas holiday, and I'm pretty sure it was due to the absence of academic pressures. In fact, the thought crossed my mind more than once that it might be in his best interest to drop out of school! If only that were a good long-term option! Anyway, it impressed on me the importance of free time. I find this is best done if we can literally separate ourselves from the work at home, so we occasionally head out for a little walk through town, or a quick trip to the shore, or a bike ride around the block. It does the mind and body good! And it nurtures relationship, too.

>:<

We've had a couple good storms this season. I hesitate to call it "winter" because this is nothing like the definition of winter I grew up with. Overall, we've had more sunny days than not, and less rain than I had expected. This picture was from early last month after the Christmas holiday, when a storm was brewing and we wanted to see it rolling in. The boys and I left the school books behind and took off for the pier at around 11:00 am.

Jacob loves to pester the pelicans. They were unusually resistant to his games, determined to stay in their cozy position. They probably knew the rain was imminent because moments later we were running fast toward the car as the rain poured down hard. We were drenched right through. They boys loved it, and to me the memory it created was worth getting soaked. We went to Starbucks before heading home just to top off our "recess." {Again, thank you Carol!}

For the most part, though, January was pretty balmy. The talk at the Treader Joe's check out was about days getting longer and spring being on it's way. The chirping crickets in the evening reminded me of summer nights. At times I've felt uncomfortably hot during my afternoon runs. It's not hot by any means, and our nights can be cold, but this is nothing like the snowy winters I grew up with. I find it rather ironic that I get  to enjoy the type of winter so many people envy. Me, the girl who loved the mountains and the snow.

I took my kids and a couple of the boys' friends for a hike to the beach one Friday after school. I guess this is an OK trade for the snowy ski hills! 

This is our winter.

The boys were disappointed the tide was out. They like to jump from this ledge into the waves when the tides are in. (The water is cold, though, and I don't imagine they would have actually jumped in anyway.)

Low tide makes for some pretty pictures...

My brother, David, would love it here. 

Little crabs

Heading back to the car before dark...

Good times for sure!

But good times don't last. Just like the storm that rolled in this past Sunday...

We came home sometime in the mid-afternoon. The coastal areas were apparently hit hard while we were at church. We pulled into our lane way and discovered that the upstairs doors had blown wide open. (I suspect I know who left them unlatched and unlocked!) The garage windows, too, had blown open resulting in broken window panes and shattered glass. Cold wind was sweeping through the house, creating an eery atmosphere and the feeling that someone had intruded. Outside, huge pieces of palm trees had come down, and something had fallen agains the house and turned on the garden hose.

At night the wind forced though every crack of this old house, under doors and through rattling windows. A small tree on the side of the house kept scratching up against the wall. I shuddered and wondered what it would be like if our house wasn't anchored to the ground, what it would be like to be tossed around out at sea. I wondered what it would be like to be on the verge of capsizing, and to have Jesus command, "Peace!" to the wind and waves, "Be still." Somewhere in the middle of the night and oppressive darkness, hail began to pound against the house.

But morning came, as it always does. In the distance we could see white caps, the waves still moving south in the same direction as the wind. On the way to school, there was debris everywhere: broken branches and some uprooted trees, broken signs and fences blown over, roof tiles.

There was also an undeniable new-ness, like a freshness of life that was not present prior to the storm. The sky was a crisp blue, the clouds an extra delicious shade of white, and all the green sparkled.

And such is life. God allows the storms to come. There is collateral damage to be sure, broken parts, pain, darkness and difficulty. Trials hurt bad sometimes. But then day comes-- as it always does-- and there is freshness of life not present before. God anchors the souls of his children, and he commands "Peace!" at just the right time.

What we see, I think, in the physical world is just a small picture of the more real spiritual world.


~Katherine