Friday, September 30, 2016

For the Weary Mom

It was late Tuesday night and I thought the next day was Friday. Certainly it felt like it ought to be. By Wednesday night, it felt like I'd lived two weeks already, and now it's technically Friday morning and I'm just wrapping up Thursday.

My days are full. Moms everywhere say it all the time, but I think I've reached an extreme. Maybe most moms live at this extreme, but I have a feeling not really. I don't wear busyness as a badge of honor; rather, it makes me wonder if I'm going about life all wrong. Busyness is one thing, but I feel like my situation borders on madness at times. It seems I spend much of my day in a state of sweat, such is the exertion of my work and responsibility.

I ran out the door late this afternoon on my way to doing something I thought would benefit the boys. I knew the results would be costly in time and energy, and would impact me late into the evening. As I grabbed my bag and climbed behind the steering wheel, a picture passed through my mind that described how I feel most days. This mental picture was of a rubber chicken or some chew toy that was being thrashed around by a snarling, drooling, wide-eyed bull dog. My days, and the expectations and trials therein, are the snarling dog. I am the chew toy. Sometimes I feel like I just want to shut my eyes tight and hope to come through the day without too many pieces torn loose.

Ok, maybe that's a little extreme, but that is actually what came through my mind. My life is actually not one of violence, but I often do emerge at the end of the day feeling somewhat thrashed and torn by it. For a few moments at the end of it, before exhaustion overtakes me, I lay in the dark feeling the figurative whiplash and a dizzying spin still plays out in my head.

My days are long. Conversations I have with my teens during the daylight hours, for instance, continue on late into the night. I am after hearts, and issues of the heart take time. Much time. A recent late conversation hit an impasse, probably with pride getting in the way of both sides. I must be the kind of mom that isn't always right, never conveying the idea that I'm inerrant. And yet when I believe I must point out an issue in the life of my teen, they must display enough humility to receive this observation and counsel from a parent God has expressly placed in their life. Impasses are so draining, though. I seek to influence my teens, to open their eyes to the possibility they are not aware of all things (wink), and mostly, to encourage them to evaluate their life according to God's standard of holiness. In the end, I am not what my kids need most-- not my counsel, observations, opinions, or solutions. They need God. I encouraged this individual to take what I had said and bring it to the Lord, asking Him to reveal sin, if necessary. He is the perfect judge, and He loves to lead us both gently.

Tonight, I didn't get out for my run till nearly 10pm. I run for many reasons, including to build physical strength and endurance to live through my days. It is hard work, but I keep choosing to push myself, to not take the "easy road."

I've made a choice to be a certain kid of mom - a certain kind of woman - and the consequences are felt nearly every waking moment. I'm no super woman, so yeah, that often leaves me empty, depleted, running on fumes. I am not ultra skilled, or especially gifted, and talent in me is hardly to be found. But the one thing I hope could be said of me is that I am fiercely committed to a few key roles and to a handful of people, and in those I don't often take shortcuts or the easy road. I never imagined this season of life to be this hard, that it would be this exhausting, that strength of all kinds would be required beyond my capacity. Fierce commitment is vital.

If we are to compare life to a race, I want to run it with endurance. Endurance is what we need when the run is long and hard. I want to give it all I've got, so that I am completely spent when I get to that glorious finish line and hear the blessed words, " Well done, good and faithful servant."

But right now, at this place in time, the race is hard, I am weary, and the prize at the end seems so very unattainable. I need the aid station along the way where I can replenish. And I need to hear the cheer from those who know something of my heart and situation. If I am to continue successfully to the end, then I must let God replenish and strengthen me, filling my being with His power and my soul with His breath of life. And we, fellow runners, must cheer and encourage each other on.

So, dear hard-working sister in Christ, I acknowledge that this race is difficult. With the strength that only the Lord Almighty can provide, keep replenishing and keep keeping on. With blood, sweat and tears, work hard and don't give up! The prize may seem distant, even unattainable, but set your sights on it. Fix your eyes on Christ!

And that yearning you feel, that sort of emptiness and dissatisfaction with the relentless spin and thrash of this life and this work? Remember it just shows us we are not yet home, that we are not yet whole, that on our own we will surely fall short. Keep your eyes on Jesus; He is our completer and finisher, our prize, our satisfaction, our all!








"I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." Phil. 3:14

"...let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God."  Heb. 12: 1b-2

"His master said to him, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your master.’" Matt. 25: 21


~Katherine

2 comments:

  1. Thank you for sharing from your heart. This encouraged me so much.

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    1. Thank you, Taryn. I know you are running the race hard too! Keep it up! xo

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