Time, and A Reflection on Blogging

Time. It's such a strange reality, isn't it? 

Last week I wrote 'May' on Jacob's paper because my perception of time is all scrambled this year. 

Then yesterday I ordered a graduation cap and gown, and I ask myself in amazement, "How?" 

I wonder what it must be like to stand outside of time... never hurried, never in want, never worn out; without regret over the past, and without anxiety over the future. From this side of eternity, it seems to be an unimaginable peace.

But for now, time just keeps pressing forward, never skipping a beat, never pausing for a breath. Time waits for no one. The world spins unceasingly, hastening around the sun in continuous motion. Another day comes. Another day ends.

I've regularly tried to pause and take in the moment. I've tried to savor and remember, to hold in my heart the substance of various joys and trials. I've tried to number the days God has given me, both in recollection and in anticipation. I've endeavored to see the handiwork of God and to render Him praise, and I've aspired to train myself to have hope and confidence for the future.

This month marks 10 years of blogging for Days Ordained (with nearly 500 posts). In a small way, journaling here has been an avenue for me to pause and remember. The practice of slowing down long enough to gather snippets of moments and to recall the faithfulness of God has been so very good for me. I'm sure, without a doubt, I could produce a long list of ways this blog has been of value for my growth. Yes, truly, the list would be long! So I am grateful, even in light of the fact that this growth hasn't always been pleasant, nor did it arrive by modes that were welcomed. In retrospect, however, I am grateful indeed.

I have been too shy (and perhaps disinterested) to ever make efforts to stand out in the blogosphere, but I am grateful (even tickled!) by the fact that some of you have followed me all these years. In the earlier days, when I was posting more frequently and my readership was highest, I was even too reserved or embarrassed to respond to most comments. On the other hand, I received few comments in comparison to my audience stats, which only left me wondering who exactly was connecting with my words and images. I've always appreciated when people came out of the woodwork!

Increasingly, I am becoming aware of a particular group of women coming here for insight on some particular issues. As my family grows and the original ease of writing here has worn off, I wonder at times if I might be able to write on topics related to womanhood, relationship, and ministry. While part of me wants to believe I have absolutely nothing to offer, the other part remembers that time and experience have been strict tutors. 

So what might be next? I don't know, except that I'm not entirely ready to sign off. After 10 years, I still find I desire to journal and post images as a creative outlet. And if this blog serves only as a place where I get to push past the discomfort of exposing myself in some way, I am content with that. I've learned that discomfort is the only way to make quantifiable growth in life, and this blog has been such an avenue. In the end, it is still a place for me, just like it was from the beginning.

Simply, I get to look back and I get to look forward; I get to recount God's faithfulness and then place my expectation on that faithfulness to keep us to the end. I get to remember that time has always been kept safely in his hands.

These images are from last month, but they seemed fitting...

Another day rounds the corner as the sun sets below the horizon, and time slips out of sight once again. And so life goes. 

God, give me eyes to see in light of eternity...

~Katherine

Ticking Time Bomb

I knew something was going to happen. It was just a matter of time.

Let me explain. Nearly seven years ago I stepped out of my comfort zone and started blogging. There were several reasons I chose to do it, and the things I've learned and been forced to do have been good for me. Among other things, it has pushed me to capture and recall more moments of this life I've been given. My blog became my journal and record book, pushing me to be more honest with myself and accepting of who I am created to be. Writing has helped me filter through issues that have come at me in life, and issues that have been stuffed away and hidden. I have found that merely thinking about how to communicate with both grace and truth has been therapeutic for me, even if those things are often never communicated and posted. I have enjoyed it, though I've found that the time I have to blog has been severely limited in comparison to my desire. Still, it has been my quiet place to gather some of the wonder of growing in grace as a wife and mother, and as an individual.

Another significant benefit to blogging has been the fact that it provided accountability for me in terms of learning my camera and pushing myself to grow as a photographer (a term I take extremely loosely), and learning how to navigate all the issues related to maintaining a website. I am severely handicapped when it comes to technology. Nothing is intuitive to me, and learning hasn't always been fun. I know, however, that this learning is important, so having my blog has been a motivator.

During the years here, I've lost copies of many pictures through the theft of one computer and as a result of a hard drive crash on another computer. I'm doing better at backing up my files now, but for some rather large chunks of time my only records have been my blog.

When I started blogging, I knew nothing about blog and image hosting. I chose Blogger because it was deemed the most user friendly, and Photobucket was recommended as a common and reliable place to host my Blogger images. For me, it was a marvel I could even figure how to do that much. I'm not geared towards understanding or easily navigating tech stuff of any sort! In fact, I'm not even sure I'm using the correct language at all in this paragraph! The point is, I was surprised and relieved I could post anything at all. However, through the years, I've become acutely aware that all these free services were bound to fail me.

Well, without notice, Photobucket no longer allows third party hosting for regular users. This has resulted in the disappearance of approximately 1500 images from Day Ordained. Poof! I can pay the $400 yearly fee to upgrade my account, but you know.. Oh, I can't say it in respectable words. It's like they are holding my pictures at ransom.

They have every right, I know. It was a free service and I'm not entitled to anything. I get that. But maybe a prior notice would have been more considerate. Or could it be they are trying to commit suicide as a business?! Fortunately, somewhere along the way, I began to upload images directly from my computer to Blogger. This means only the images from the first few years of blogging are gone, not everything.

Anyway, I'm trying to figure out what to do with Photobucket and with Blogger. My blog could just disappear one day and there's nothing I could do about it. It does happen, and more problems are inevitable for me. At the very least, if I do nothing, it will just gradually erode away. I don't know if I could possibly transfer everything to a different blog host or my own website; if so, I don't have the faintest clue how to do it. I'm welcoming advice...

Either way, I am now forced to think about whether or not to continue. Already, I have such a small sliver of time I can allow myself to blog. I'm reevaluating.

>:<

Life continues. If only the growing-in-grace part of life continues, than that will be enough for me.

I've been thinking about that a whole lot recently: Granting grace and compassion and understanding the way it has been shown to me. Or just doing a whole lot better than it has been extended to me in some instances!

Yes, we get to choose. When your kid screws up, for instance, or just acts like a kid, grant grace more than condemnation. Help them to see and understand and grow, yes, but remember you are more like them than not. If they act in a way that exposes their heart of sin or simple immaturity, be thankful for that exposure; a hypocrite is a much greater tragedy. And if they act in a way that brought embarrassment, think about whether or not you are upset mostly because your image has been affected. And respond to the situation and needs of your kids rather than react. Listen, because you are more likely able to understand than if you just speak.

These are words for me.

So yes, life will continue here just fine without a blog (though it is my desire to keep it if I can). We will continue to explore this life, going deep and reaching high in both literal and metaphorical ways. I'll just be happy to be doing that together.

Thursday, we did just a bit of that. We explored new territory, invested in relationships, grew in grace.

This is urban hiking at it's finest.

A goal for our summer has been to explore our city. This may not look too much like city, but San Diego has quite the array of things to do.

I love getting in the car with my kids and taking them to new and unexpected places. 

It seems that sandstone canyons have been calling our name this summer, and we're discovering some really cool places.

This place wasn't for those who tend to be scared, and it required serious muscular output.

My favorite kind of place.

20+ feet down. There was a point I only let Michael continue.

The green strip of growth by Olivia's feet in the picture below is actually the edge of the crevice where Michael was squeezing through deep below.

Extra points for me for standing precariously above the passage to take pictures!!

The final descent...

...right onto a nudist beach! 

I was relieved we didn't spot any.

This board crossing a small ravine featured prominently in all the descriptions I read about this trail, so Andrew snapped a picture of me making the bouncy walk across.

Next was a place much cooler in temp, deep under the Cave Store.

We had to try it because it seems to be such a tourist attraction, and it seems we ought to know about it firsthand.

I have a whole list of "secret places" (as we like to call them) to checkout this summer. We are still exploring our extended back yard, finding the best spots that make this place all the more home to us.

>:<

And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we have seen his glory, glory as of the only Son from the Father, full of grace and truth. John 1:14

For the law was given through Moses; grace and truth came through Jesus Christ. John 1:17

~Katherine

On Thanksgiving and Thriving

I have an intense fear of social media. I supposed that's a bit odd given the fact I've written thousands of words here. I still think online social media can be a dangerous thing; I'd hate to unintentionally say something that brings disgrace to my husband, family, or church. I realize that words get misinterpreted and misrepresented all the time, and I'd much rather avoid the trouble. Plus, it's my opinion that social media can be a modern way for women to be idle, busybodies, going from "house to house" and saying what they should not (1 Tim. 5: 13). So that scares me.

Anyway, I got a little freaked out again recently. I pulled away, even contemplated shutting down this blog. I am blind to many things, and I know there's much I don't know I don't know. (Confusing? Read slowly!) In other words, I can be naive.

I'm reminded of Proverbs 17:28-- "Even a fool who keeps silent is considered wise; when he closes his lips, he is deemed intelligent."

Well, I'm back here for now. It's Friday and it's beautiful out and I have a rare moment to write. I'm sitting on the hammock swing on my deck in my cut-off high-waist Levis because I have a weakness for such things... and it's Friday.

Soon I will need to make a dinner to pack because we have three football games tonight and my people will inevitably be hungry. I'd be fine with an apple and some trail mix, but no, big kids who play hard need more food. Michael is currently on a long bike ride and the younger boys have transformed the living room into a war zone for Nerf guns. They will surely be hungry before their games begin.

Here is a picture I took with Michael this morning because he seemed so tall to me. A few more fractions of an inch and he will reach the 6' mark.

The following is just what's been on my heart lately....


"Every experience God gives us, every person He puts in our lives, is the perfect preparation for the future that only He can see."  ~Corrie Ten Boom

We love to listen to audio books in our home. We have consumed hours and hours of literature in this way. Audio books have not only expanded my kids' education and increased their understanding of history and human nature, they have also provided wholesome entertainment. This summer, the kids and I listened to The Hiding Place by Corrie Ten Boom. The above quote came from the preface, which we listened to as we began the book on our way to the beach one day last summer. I was struck, yet again, with the truth of God's divine purpose in our lives. This doctrine has been transformative to me. It has helped me learn to receive with thankfulness my circumstances, limitations, experiences, disappointments, and trials in life. God will always be God, and his character doesn't change. He is the giver of good gifts in the life of His beloved children (for whom He suffered and died!), and He never withholds good things from us.

My understanding of this truth, and my appreciation of His gifts, has absolutely no bearing whatsoever on whether or not this is true. In other words, God is always good to me, regardless how I feel about His gifts in my life. If He withholds from me, it is for my good. If He allows difficulty and trials, it is also for my good.

Granted, life is not about me, and everything that happens is not about me. I may suffer as a result of someone else's sin. Or I may be a single participant among many in a grander story. But whatever the case, I know that God is working in my life to make me more like Christ.

However, there have been times in my life where sadness, loneliness, and even depression have characterized the state of my heart and mind. It's not that my circumstances were dire, but rather I had allowed myself to be weighed down by rejecting the fact that all my circumstances ought to point me to God. I knew this was wrong, but I didn't know how to break free. At times, for certain seasons, this thought pattern and emotional state ran deep. It was characteristic of me.

Let me just say that joy is a fruit. So is thankfulness. And they are commanded. Since they are commanded, God will provide a way for obedience. Anything else and we are being disobedient children... children who are recipients of God's goodness and grace and forgiveness!

Understanding theses things has been so helpful to me. It has been a long and continual process, one of repentance, putting off sins of grumbling and discontentment, and putting on thankfulness in particular. I have prayed for joy, and it has followed thankfulness.

I have actively sought to count my blessings, name them one by one. I have been intentional to grow in thankfulness and to resist discontentment, to see good while acknowledging difficulty. There will be seasons in our lives where every single moment may be a battle against self-pity, joylessness, depression, and maybe disbelief, but may I wage battle with my wayward heart and mind. Sorrow and grief are not sins, and they are to be expected, but I must actively, intentionally, and repeatedly choose to place my hope and assurance in the character of God alone.

He cares for me with incomprehensible love. I will only thrive in the Christian life when I rest in God and embrace his sovereign work in my life.

Amen?

Happy weekend!


~Katherine

Springtime, Prayer, and Catching Up

I've been too busy to blog. No, rather, God has not given me the time and the motivation to blog.

I dislike when people complain about being busy. I dislike when people talk about busyness as if being busy somehow elevates one's importance or usefulness in life. It doesn't. I once read a pin on Pinterest that resonated with me: "Stop the glorification of busy." 

But life is very full right now. It's not really a complaint, though, and I don't think I'd be content if I had a whole lot of time and energy to spare. However, sometimes I think life is too full of good things, and the best things get crowded out. Being busy can rob us of the best things in life. It's hard for me to know what needs to be cut out right now. Recently, I've often wished I could consistently depend on a few less hours of sleep. 

I been thinking how I'd love more time to pray. Prayer is one of the best things of life that can easily get crowded out. It is more accurate to say that we allow prayer and time in the Word to get pushed aside. It is said that the busier we are, the more time we need to devote to prayer each day. I believe it. I have so much on my heart, so many supplications to make, some burdens I need to unload, and I long for more prayer. I'm pretty sure that God would provide the energy I need even if I gave up sleep to commune with him. If he calls me into a communicative relationship with him, he will surely provide all that I need to do so. I am no longer satisfied with waking up and falling asleep in prayer, driving in the car alone and praying out loud (so my thoughts don't drift), and shooting up "flare" type prayers during the crisis moments. I want more. I need more.

As far as busyness goes, I think it's important to distinguish between simply a full and frantic schedule, and true industry. I keep asking myself if I'm actually being productive, and wether my work is done unto the Lord. Does my life please Him, and is my work laying up treasures in heaven for his glory? I long for his smile and to hear the words, "Well done, good and faithful servant." I ought to commit this to prayer.

>>:<<

Well there. That was a random introduction. I love coming here and seeing what just pours out. Writing out in this journal/blog helps me gather up and package the many fragmented bits of thoughts and desires that stream in and out of my thoughts.

If a blog could collect dust, this one would be due for a spring cleaning! The boys and their friends were in the pool/spa this weekend, and Michael and his friend were at the beach. Our beach town was super crowed with spring break vacationers last Saturday night while Jon and I spent some time out. We are in sandals and light, airy clothes on most days. I'm in a spring-training of sort, running and exercising regularly once again. So yes, spring is here!

When there is a prolonged amount of time between my posts, I don't really know how to pick up and keep going. I don't really like to do a "catch-up" of events, but at the same time I find it somewhat helpful. It's a place to start, a way to fill in the gaps. March will stand out as special in our memories because I had some of my extended family here for the whole month. I hope to do a little updating soon.

And so, in the interest of catching up in chronological order, I am dumping some pictures which were taken before the month of March.

A  backyard "pet" for Jacob.

Evidences of spring...

An afternoon get-away at an avocado grove. It does us so much good in the midst of full weeks.

Love bugs! I couldn't resist...  ;)

Kumquats...

...and oranges

Fort building, then Jon joining us... a happy surprise!

A fun arrangement by the breakfast table

~Katherine

Loving These Days

I've got to say, it feels like I'm nearly the only one left blogging anymore. The few blogs I have followed are now infrequently updated, if at all. Maybe blogging is going out of vogue, yielding to other forms of social media. (Ha! 'Social' and 'media' don't really go well with me... Just ask my husband!) For me though, blogging still remains the easiest way to both journal and combine pictures. So even though I'm not sure who comes by this little space anymore, I continue to post as opportunity and desire remain. Documenting a little of my days, some memories through pictures, and the things of my heart will be something of a treasure to me in the decades to come.

Progress continues to be made around our house, although it is not always the type of progress one would expect in a house badly needing a remodel. Today there was some rewiring going on; it was a longer and more involved process than I had expected. More invasive too. I was standing at my bathroom sink when-- unexpected to me-- a man walked into my room and asked about some outlets. I thought the guy was working outside! It's a good thing I was decent, but he could have at least knocked. 

Jon was home, so I decided I didn't need to be there while the work continued. It was another gorgeous day, so I loaded up my kids and their scouters and we took off for a large park nearby. I grabbed my camera on the way out, but what I really should have brought was a book. Yeah, my kids took off on their scouters and left me in the dust. They think they're so cool, too. For a while I entertained myself taking pictures of leaves, and my shoes, and tree bark. Eventually they came back to tell me all that they had seen, and all that I had missed.

(Fall on it's way...)

 

(Picture taken by Andrew, above.)

(Then Jacob wanted a turn as photographer, below.)

We haven't taken our traditional start-of-the-school-year picture yet, so the kids suggested we take one today. I'm normally supposed to be in it too, but they didn't care and I didn't have a tripod. So here's our school picture...

Then the acrobatic skills were pictured. Way more fun than standing in line for cheesy school pictures!

For the record, school is going so well this year. I don't feel like a juggling tight-rope walking circus lady anymore! I'm not sure exactly why there has been such a drastic shift, but it's probably a combination of streamlined curriculum, an organized and dedicated school room, a lighter evening and extra-curricular load, and boys that have matured over the summer. In any case, we seem to be accomplishing more in our school hours than ever before. I am thankful, and really enjoying our days together.

Andrew's new remote control helicopter arrived in the mail from Amazon today. I think he's mocking me here... You know how freaky it is to have that thing crash into your head? Olivia would agree because I've untangled the propellers form her hair more than once.

This boy doesn't like to spend his money, and he is already asking for extra jobs to yearn back his spent cash.

Jacob made friends with a few old men gathered at the park with their dogs. 

I've had a good deal of other stuff to journal recently-- various things going on, new lessons learned, new commitments made, relationships deepened, etc.-- but something always stops me. Maybe it's because the time isn't right yet, it's too personal, or it hasn't been worked out enough to put into words. So in that way a public blog isn't the best for accurate record keeping!

But for the very same reasons I am not an open book to the public or even to those closest to us, I am an open book to God. What a comfort! Not only does He understand the situations, the things we're working through, the questions, the longings, the confusion, the trials... He sympathizes and works mightily on our behalf.

So I tell Him my stuff-- all of it-- and He understands me.

Yes, what a comfort to me as I head to bed now.

~Katherine