Opportunity

Sunday afternoon musings...

*Images from early May. 6AM beach time is becoming his thing... 

It’s Sunday mid-afternoon and I’m parked on a steep incline in a neighborhood overlooking the ocean. I need a break from the sameness of house quarantine for a bit. Maybe it’s more accurate to say I need a break from the constant making of food, cleaning up from food, restricting the over-consumption of food, and then more cooking and cleaning. Typically, the best of all breaks for me is a chance to run or to write.

For the last 10 weeks I have not repeated a single dinner. With the exception of the times Jon grilled burgers for us, or a couple nights when we had enough leftovers, or the occasional take-out, I’ve kept it variable at the table. When stay-at-home orders initially took place, and one quarantine day blended into the next, it felt like the least I could do to interject a bit of change. It was a fun creative exercise for a while, but I’m over it now. I really want the flexibility of falling back on old stand-by dishes now and then.

So much change has come in the way we are experiencing this COVID-19 situation. I find it interesting how we all naturally find ways of stabilizing, kind of like homeostasis of an organism. Though there are so many people and activities we are eager to get back to, there are many ways in which this forced pause on life has been good and restorative. I was happy to discover many unexpected gifts. There is newfound gratefulness for the things we once took for granted, and gratefulness for some things we were spared from; I’m thankful for a plethora of opportunity in the quiet, and new possibilities granted through change. God has paved our way in a multitude of ways and I am sure that, in time, we will see even more of his handiwork.

The crowds and traffic were pretty heavy as I drove down the coast this afternoon. Most people are not following the letter of the law on masks and social distancing, but, for the most part, they are following the spirit of the law. I just love that I live in a place where physical activity is facilitated. It makes me happy to see all the surfers, runners, bikers, skateboarders, walkers, and families strolling. I am right there with them on most days.

In fact, still in my pajamas, I took Andrew to the beach this morning at 6 am. He wanted to body board the barrels before breakfast and video/home/family church. I love this about him. And his quarantine mop head. I love that, too.

Before anyone thinks it's all wonderful here by the coast, though, know that there is a nauseating stench coming up from the sea on some days. Andrew smelled like sewage when I picked him up before breakfast today. The red tide has been particularly bad this year. Several weeks ago, the water looked like there had been a horrid biohazard spill, but at nighttime it sparkled with a magical bioluminescence. The algae bloom responsible for all of this is dying off, and now it reeks.

Of course my mind draws up word pictures when I’m putting in my running miles along the coast. The Light of God (daylight) shines and reveals what we really are on our own (something like biohazard material); once our true nature has been revealed to us and we are made right through his Son, God sends dark trials (night) to sanctify and beautify us (bioluminescence). We could never see what he is producing in us without the dark waves of trial. Oh, yes, and the changes may produce a temporary stench as we die to self. Others may even voice consternation by our changing, but death must always accompany new life.

I hope to be refined through this season. Initially, when the whole world was brought to its knees by a novel virus, I gave over any fear to God. If he wanted me to be among the dead, I asked that my death would influence others for eternity. If he would be pleased, I asked that my dying would be used to bring saving faith to others. Whatever it takes. Yes, I’m a little dramatic like that, but I’m also that confident in a good God who never falters on his promises and whose plans work for good. 

Our home has been peaceful as the world spins in a frenzy. I’m grateful for my husband. He is certainly aware of national and international circumstances, but his steadiness and calm have been remarkable. The atmosphere of our home could not be as peaceful if he lacked confidence in God and if he gave in to fear or anger. Perhaps our kids don’t see it yet, but I think this will be a testimony in time to come. These are instructive times, and it is up to us to teach/live what is good. This we know: We will be held in the good and loving hands of our Father today and always. We have a hope as an anchor to the soul, firm and secure. 

Truly, we get a good dose of reality during dinnertime conversations with Jon, but the overall atmosphere and take-away is a calm peace. It’s true that we are witnessing sociopolitical changes and crumbling economies; we try to picture what our future will look like (and that of a generation on the cusp of independence). Like it or not, we are each forced to make a choice regarding what we see. Jon leads us to see… opportunity. Change and disruption always unearth opportunity, and we are constantly discussing what those might be.

Beyond that, on the most basic and foundational level, we have all been given a pretty grand opportunity to build up faith and confidence in God. This must be a priority. (Parents, don’t squander it!)

“You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you.”

~Katherine

Simple and Profound (Parenting Advice)

The best parenting advice for every stage of parenting was somehow lost on me in all the counsel I received and books I read over the years. I wish I had made the connection sooner than these latter years. I regret complicating the joy of nurturing a soul and building relationship with long lists of good (and not-so-good) mandates, rather than dwelling on the foundation given to us by our creator– the designer of our souls, personalities, and complexities. 

So what is the BEST parenting advice?

“You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.  This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself.”

Simple and profound. Dwell on these two commandments alone and strive to obey; every other biblical directive fits within these. The latest parenting strategies or religious rule-books for behavior modification miss the mark entirely. Our children are not projects for us to put on display, or people for us to fix, or characters to be molded and carved into images that affirm our pride.

Just as in Jesus's day, the experts and the most educated failed to see the point. We all like to complicate things – maybe add to what we deem too simple, or take away from what we think unnecessary – and we craft a system of our own. We are by nature driven to serve our own desires through our own means. It's a sneaky trap, even to those who desire to please and honor the Lord.

So I must ask myself:
Is my love for the Lord what informs and fuels my love for others?
Is my affection for the Savior true and apparent to my kids, or is it merely lip service?
Do my children think/feel that I view them as lesser-than?
Do they think they must earn my love and approval?
Do I actually view them as "neighbors" and fellow recipients of grace?
Is the theme of our relationship compassionate, tender love that promotes the well-being of another; or is it the domination and subjection of one to the other?
What would my children answer to these?

I am not able to attain to the greatest commandments which were delivered through the law and the prophets, and then succinctly summarized by Jesus. Not even close. But in Christ, with the help of the Holy Spirit, we can attain with increasing measure. And because we inevitably fail, we get to point our children to God the Father who parents us both perfectly, with perfect love and tender regard. He will do for them what we cannot. I have failed many, many times. I certainly don't claim to have mastered anything at all. Daily, I sin in acts of omission and commission; I know it, my children know it, and God knows it. There's no secret there.

But all is not lost. Failure keeps pointing us back to God, who never fails and will never fail us. He is the ultimate Parent.

If you want to please God, and if you want to parent well, then Matthew 22:37-39 is the best place to start. Meditate on it. Let it be your main objective and allow its simple framework to inform your decisions and practices.

It's going to be my guiding principle for parenting as I move forward: With the help of the Spirit, I want to love God with my whole being, and love others the way I love myself (or need/needed to be loved). My humanness can only handle simple with regards to directives, but our hearts need profound. The beauty of the first and second greatest commandments is that they display our need for the Gospel (the ultimate simple and profound), which is equally needed by both parent and child.

Does this parenting advice promise to be easy or to "work" by producing saved kids? Nope. Don't trust anyone or any material that makes any claims of "working" at all.

Because we can't look to your own efforts to save, only to Christ. It's ALL by the GRACE of God.

~Katherine

Hope.

J.C. Ryle, regarding prayer as the primary task and comfort in all our parenting:

"Without the blessing of the Lord, your best endeavors will do no good. He has the hearts of all men in His hands, and except He touch the hearts of your children by His Spirit, you will weary yourself to no purpose. Water, therefore, the seed you sow on their minds with unceasing prayer. The Lord is far more willing to hear than we to pray; far more ready to give blessings than we to ask them; -but He loves to be entreated for them. And I set this matter of prayer before you, as at the top stone and seal of all you do. I suspect the child of many prayers is seldom cast away."

When we pray for our children, we pray that God would accomplish that which we cannot do. We are praying for a miracle: we pray for the salvation of their souls, for dead hearts to come alive, for rescue from eternal damnation in hell to eternal life in glory. Only God can do this. 

Let us be sober-minded about reality, never lulled or fooled by the here-and-now, the comforts of the world, or the distractions of this life. And let us draw comfort in the goodness of God and his desire to save.

I pray that God would remember mercy when he thinks of us, and I cling to the knowledge that his mercy triumphs over judgment! 

>:<

Heading our into the morning surf.
We miss our summer days.
So much so, in fact, that Andrew and I spent a good part of yesterday pretending it wasn't a Monday school day. He worked ahead all weekend and I followed through on my promise.

Sometimes we soar, sometimes we eat it.

Images: August 2019

~Katherine

Give Me Eyes to See

Last night Jon and I celebrated the anniversary of our first official date twenty-five years ago. He still maintains that the following week was when he determined to marry me. He knew we were going to marry. I, on the other hand, have always arrived at my conclusions more hesitantly. Jon was 17, I was 16.

This morning I opted to drive my boys to their high school in our beat up pickup truck because my car was out of gas. I dislike filling up at the dodgy, overcrowded gas station nearby, the one with the cheaper gas that still costs well over $4/gallon. I hate the thought of over $100 for a tank of gas. Besides, I had forgotten I needed to make time for that task before heading out and we didn't have time to spare before class. Typical. So there I was driving my boys in our dirty truck that rattles and creaks. Silence broke as we rounded the downward bend to the train tracks. Conversation would shift from their upcoming homecoming dance, to homelessness, to a new business idea, and back to homecoming again. There were long moments of silence, too. After all, I was driving boys and not girls. Oh, and I am not an extroverted conversationalist.

Earlier we had read though a section of Psalms; I had picked the spot where my counter top study Bible is marked by a card stock bookmark gifted to me by Michael a dozen or more years ago. It's one of the few remaining Sunday school crafts; the thick piece of red yarn still dangles from my pages. As I have for years, I opened that big book and stood at the counter while my kids ate their breakfast. Some choose not to eat first thing in the morning, but soft boiled eggs and sourdough toast was served to those who do. Mornings gathered together over physical and spiritual nourishment are no longer the daily practice like it once was. Seasons change and I am no longer in charge of specific bed and wake times, meal times, and schedules. That season has past. Still, as often as I can, I gather them together knowing that the Word of God will never return void. There is an urgency to share it because these days are fleeting.

We read from Psalms, but only from the sections that were already underlined. A marked up Bible is so helpful when I come to it unprepared to deliver its treasures. Today I told them how I don't always long for God the way the psalmist did, or that I don't comprehend God's splendor in a way that completely enraptures me the way it should. But I desperately want to know and experience it, so I told them I ask of it from God. I talked about trusting in God's goodness, kindness, and love for us despite our feelings and impressions. And just as the psalmist asked God to make his face to shine upon him, I prayed the same. I asked that God would not only reveal his goodness to us, but that he would give us eyes to see it.

The sunlight was beautiful on our drive to school. I noticed how it complimented the color of tall grasses off the side of the road, and how the Pampas grass shimmered and sparkled as the breeze gently traveled through. Then there, with two of my teenage sons riding in silence with me in a beat up truck, I sensed an answer to my prayer. Though the goodness and splendor of God is all around all of the time, I saw and became conscious of a small glimpse of it. His goodness and love kissed my senses as I became aware of his presence and promises of help.

As the subject of homecoming resurfaced, I drove on right passed my turn. How could I miss it? We laughed about it. Even though I drive this route two, three, sometimes four times a day, I still missed it. At the light, the one I shouldn't have been waiting at, I understood God's faithfulness still more. A smile formed on my face, one that probably only God noticed. These boys which I was about to drop off into the world would certainly be protected, I was sure of it. They are hedged by God's love. I have prayed diligently for them to a faithful, loving God who not only promises to hear, but who is merciful and desires their good. He desires their heart.

"Protection" and "good" are both words I would choose to define differently than God does sometimes, but He must be trusted. I let the thought wash over me as God's face, I believe, was shining on us in that moment. Truly, I don't even know what that fully means, but I was both aware of his present goodness and the earlier prayer for such favor.

God's story for my kids may take painful twists and turns. Should I actually desire anything different? Would any one of us turn to God if we believed ourselves to be sufficient and capable of controlling an easy life? I must trust God that his story for them is also his calling, his revelation to their hearts. I don't pray that God would protect them from pain, or hardship, or trial of any sort. I don't dare. Whatever it takes, God, make them your own.

Some time later, I pulled back into our lane. I sat there a moment and remembered our dinner date last night, and how our lives could never be imagined by our teenage minds all those years ago. We had walked around Ottawa's Parliament Hill on that crisp October night; my palms were probably sweaty despite the cool temps and my heart probably beat hard as I tried to appear less reserved than I knew I was. Jon Rourke was interested in me, and I thought that to be so strange. He could have dated anyone, and everyone knew it. We entered a relationship quickly and seriously - some might say dangerously so given our ages - but it was the story written for us before time began. God's face smiled that night, though I'm sure I hardly thought of him. But God, he was always there. And he noted our smiles on that day, too, happening just as he expected.

As Jon and I took off last night with a gift card in hand and a reservation we were running later for, I had one teenage son riding the train to an evening class at a community college, while another son was putting in a couple hours of yard work at our neighbor's house. They are growing up, morphing into men far more rapidly than they know. They will look back one day and see God's handiwork in their lives, their story lovingly written for his glory. He is faithful and good, I am sure of it.

>:<

Grand Teton and Yellowstone National Parks, July 2019

Our picnic lunch spot, some place off the trafficked road.

He still prefers to eat while moving, and this was the perfect place to free range.

Occasionally, I still get a flower from my boys.

In a world of roses, I still prefer all the wildflowers.

We stopped at most of the main attractions, but our favorite spots by far were unmarked on the map and unplanned on the agenda.

Missing this girl today, again. 

We missed Michael a ton while the rest of us travelled Wyoming, but he had an amazing opportunity to take a 6-day sailing trip with his racing crew. We both came back with new experiences lived and pictures to share. One of my new experiences was to travel the Rockies while one of my kids sailed the Pacific, both of us frequently out of range. I'd check my phone app to find his location, and there would be nothing. My heart was content to simply trust.

~Katherine

Some Feelings on Thoughts

There is a moment here tonight to complete the notes started last week. We are a household of tired people. My younger boys are completing their work for the day- history, literature, and guitar practice- and I hope to see them tucked in by 9PM. Gone are the days when bedtimes were predictable. Michael has a late night with an English paper due tomorrow and a math test to take before his 7AM class, while Olivia plans on doing some exercise before setting up for her day of work/internship. Jon is at a meeting this evening. Here I sit with my workout clothes and apron, typing. 

We’ve had some weather recently in our part of the world. That is to say, there’s been a little change from the near constant sunny and perfect temp to coldish and wet. It seems ridiculous to say and almost like an insult to those enduring actual long, bleak months, but this “winter” seems to be dragging on!

The parts I like best about all the rain is how the world seems to be pressure washed clean and the ground is sprouting greenery in abundance. The urge to be in the wild has been strong, so this past holiday Monday we took the opportunity to romp around in the wild.

We stopped on our drive up to collect moss and fern for the boys' terrariums. We later discovered that the road was washed out; we had a grand time slipping and bumping precariously along to the trailhead.

Nature escapes are escapes indeed. It’s a break from the constant, never-ending tasks of life. It’s a place to just be, a place to exhale and breathe anew. For as long as I can remember, nature has been a safe place to feel, or not feel, to think, or not think. Whatever is needed deep in my spirit, nature is like a gentle balm that nurtures my being. It’s a place where I don’t have to just do the next thing, but simply let enjoyment and restoration have its way. This is weird to most people, I’m sure, but how thankful I am to know such a place exists for my well-being.

“Just do the next thing.” This has been a motto for me when the tasks seem overwhelming, when the immediate needs are beyond my ability to meet, or when the sorrows of life inundate. I believe this motto was popularized by Elisabeth Elliot in years past. It was a calming phrase when my kids were little and when chaos seemed to describe my daily existence. “Just do the next thing.” I’d tell myself to just get up and work, to focus on the task at hand instead of worry about the enormity of all that needed to be done; to keep moving, to disregard exhaustion; to strategize and plan for the sake of maximizing efficiency; to meet needs as they came, triage and prioritize when they came in waves. Then when my head would hit the pillow at night, and many things were left undone, I’d know that I was only responsible for doing my best. If I had kept myself from slacking off, then I could have confidence I had done everything in my power to faithfully carry out my work.

I’m still a lot like that.

“Just go.”
“Just do it.”
“Next thing.”
“Push.”
“You can do this.”
“Don’t stop.”

This mental discipline has been a huge help to me. It’s a mental discipline that says, “Do what you’ve committed to doing without thinking of why you don’t feel like doing it.” In other words, “Stop thinking about how you feel about it.”

I’ve come to learn that my feelings want to bully my resolve to accomplish a goal, until my mind begins to justify why I should give up. If I’m not careful, I can then give in to what my mind is telling me. On the other hand, I’ve also learned that if I succeed in keeping my feelings and mental dialogue in check, I will be surprised and thankful for what is actually possible. Side note: Running has made this particularly plain to me, and I love how discipline in one area of life is reflected in others.

My kids see me doing this as a way of life. For instance, with running and the unfavorable recent weather, my words come out forbidding my complaint and urging resolve. The clouds loom dark and near, my skin protests in goose-bumps, and my kids hear me say, “I just can’t think about it. I’m just going to go.” And I do.

Again and again recently, I find myself miles from home pressing my body into the wind, numb, but moving. Then the rain comes, sometimes like cold crocodile tears, or like prolonged, sloshy, cold mist, or like sharp needles jabbing with the cold Pacific wind. The other day was my short, but intense, running day; I had intervals and hills to conquer. I misjudged the sunny sky and wore shorts and a t-shirt… and then got pelted with hail.

Sometimes I wish for someone to come rescue me, someone to drive by and offer a ride, or my husband or daughter to come find me. But then I wonder if the joy of finishing despite the discomfort is better.

Running often makes me think of life: Maybe God doesn’t rescue us from trial because he knows perseverance is better for us than rescue. Or maybe rescue only comes after perseverance has been learned- two gifts rather than just one. Probably there’s no easy, blanket statement answer and we must just press on.

I’m good at commitment. Is that OK to say? I see that I probably stick to my commitments a little more resolutely than most, and sometimes I would do better to be more relaxed, less personally invested, and more accepting of the fact that not all commitments are equal. I can be committed to commitment.

But I am learning there are times when just doing the next thing isn’t best. There are times when the resolute mind must give way to feeling; the mind must take into account the senses, the gut feelings, the emotions. There can be huge problems with thinking without feeling. God created both internal faculties for our good. Feelings have to inform our thinking, or we can become numb to life and robotic, even becoming legalists hardened to grace.

God doesn’t desire mere sacrifice. Scripture passages that comes to mind right now are regarding the sacrifices of thanksgiving and the sacrifice of a repentant heart. These are precious to God. They are both sacrifices that are expressed by feelings far more than action. Action that is pure and without hypocrisy will then follow the feeling.

I think we err greatly when we believe and teach, “Just obey. It doesn’t matter how you feel about it.” Why doesn’t it matter? Surely God wants our feelings to be rightly aligned. It was so helpful for me to realize that God’s sanctifying power reaches even to my emotions. Of course we must not let our emotions rule us, but that doesn’t mean they don’t matter.

Feelings matter tremendously. For example, how your children feel about your rules and commands do matter. Yes, obedience must be required, but conversations about feelings are not to be view as a threat to parental authority. The weak parent is personally treatened and seeks to suppress opposing feelings; the wise parent seeks to draw out the deep things of the heart. What if you found out something about your child’s heart that leads to closeness in relationship, or deeper conversation about eternal things? What if allowing them to verbalize their feelings exposes YOUR sin of harshness, unreasonable expectation, pride in wielding your parental power, or tendency to exasperate them? Wouldn’t that be far better to know?

Reject emotion and you reject the person. Think about that.

Also, we can easily settle into routines of merely doing without feeling in marriage: doing what we've mentally learned we should do, but doing it without affection. We “obey” God in the sense that we are performing our marital roles, but we can do them entirely without emotion. I’m pretty certain that is never what God intended in relationships. Is it possible to love without feeling? I’m so tired of hearing that love is an action! I don’t want such a puny little love of duty. No. Train your mind and heart to cultivate loving feelings. Pray earnestly for it, with perseverance. Don’t settle for being at the mercy of feelings haphazardly coming or going, or believing that nothing can be done.

I feel compelled to pose the question because of the prevalence of certain situations: What about the toxic relationship wherein your feelings are screaming at you in desperation, your whole being is coming apart because of the wicked (demonic) behavior of another? Should it still be mind-over-feeling?! God didn’t give you feelings about the situation merely to torment you further.

Thoughts and emotions are both vital, God-created both elements of our personhood for our good and well-being. We are not meant to employ one over the other.

I have erred greatly in this area over the course of my life. Emotional preservation and responses became default patterns in situations where preservation was no longer needed. When backs turned and there was fear, hurt, and loss of security, I intentionally ignored feeling. I learned to “Just do the next thing.” I taught myself to suppress negative feeling, to reject emotion. How evident this was to me when I recently heard myself repeat out loud, “Just don’t feel,” in the midst of a painful situation.

I don’t think we ever succeed at this scheme of not feeling; we only damage our willingness and ability to experience ALL of the rich array of emotion we’ve been gifted, even the good.

But we must never lose hope. We are never too far gone, too far down the road of life to learn anew. There is always opportunity to unlearn or relearn. We hope in God who creates new life— he is the giver of life and he gives it abundantly. And we can find further hope in knowing that God binds himself to us through a promise (a binding contract that has no basis in emotion), AND a loving, personal, emotion-filled relationship. He has pledged to me his love, and he is shaping me more and more into his image so that I can emulate him and love like him.

I don’t pretend to have the answers for how to manage thinking and feeling... or anything else in life. Life and circumstances are complex. All I know for sure is that I am desperately needy for help!

I have hope in God: He helps his children through his Spirit and his Word, and by the use of my mind AND my feelings, I can follow with perseverance and faith.

~Katherine

Notes on Emotional Connectivity

How does it feel when someone is truly invested in your well-being and validates your needs and feelings? How does it feel to be seen?

I've known it with just a few people and it's pretty awesome. I treasure the few that have touched me in this way, those that pause with intention to truly see me, to connect, and know me -- even if I've looked away, fearing to be known.

Empathy: It's an amazing gift to receive and to give.

The subject of emotional connectivity is of huge interest to me. I am intrigued, I want to learn the skill, I desire the experience. By contrast, the topic of emotional neglect has been brought to my attention as well since it stands in stark contrast to connectivity, empathy, and relationship. One builds and nourishes, the other erodes and sickens. Our nearest relationships can be measured on a spectrum, except this spectrum has no center, no neutral. Relationships are never neutral.

I have three little journals here with me tonight, each used for a different collection of notes. Today, however, I noticed a similar theme weaved throughout all three, so I've decided to gather some of those thoughts in a collection here. I hope to do so in somewhat of a cohesive way.

Notes 10/27/2018:

A prayer~ "Lord, give me eyes to see and affirm progress, not perfection. Remove criticism from my lips, and give me a heart of thanksgiving. Open my lips with words of encouragement, and use them to build up and give LIFE."

"The mouth (words) of the righteous is a fountain of LIFE..." Prov. 10:11

"The southing tongue (kind, helpful words) is a tree of LIFE..." Prov.15: 4

"He who withholds kindness from a friend forsakes the fear of the Almighty." Job 6: 14

Affirm, encourage, validate, congratulate. Have compassion. Share in another's joy, no matter the subject. Touch, look, give attention, seek to understand.

Notes on emotional neglect:

Over time, neglect causes wounds. These wounds are the result of what is not done (contrasted by abuse, which is something that is done).

Note of urgent reminder: Put down your phone, lest it become a tool to inflict emotional neglect.

Reading notes:

Parents who under-notice, under-value, or under-respond to their children's emotions inadvertently send a powerful message to the child that says, "You don't matter." People who didn't receive emotional validation from their parents in childhood will likely struggle to provide it as parents. If you have emotional blind spots, you'll be blind to other people's emotions as well.

Emotional neglect is a cycle that can be broken with awareness, intentional discipline, and practice.

Summer reading notes, 2017:

Affirmation praises God for the work of the Holy Spirit (fruit) in the lives of believers. Affirmation returns the glory to God and encourages the individual.

True encouragement affirms attributes of God in ALL people made in His image. Therefore, affirmation of people can return praise to God.

Thinking on what is lovely and of good repute in a person helps to develop words that encourage and build up.

To be a source of help and encouragement requires the development of observation. Study those you love, and those you've been given momentary opportunity to love with affirming words.

Notes on creativity and individuality, summer 2017 (in preparation to teach my kids):

God is Creator, and created us in his image; we also create and express creativity and individuality. Because God was so creative in making us each differently, our own individual expressions and appreciation for creativity is going to differ.

So learn to appreciate differences. Don't look down on others for liking and expressing different styles, music, art, fashion, decor, humor, etc.

Don't even give a hint of disapproval for such things as individual preference, but cultivate a heart of appreciation and praise for individuality. No one ever stood out for good/change/innovation/justice... by being like everyone else.

Choose to be inspired and motivated by others, and be FREE to be who God made you to be.

Affirmation and inspiration is the opposite attitude of jealous comparison.

Thoughts on superficial/external affirmation:

As with so many things, we've over-reacted to the self-centered nature of the self-esteem movement. Being anti-self-esteem is not the answer.

For crying out loud, it's OK to say "You are so pretty" to your daughter (or any girl)! The Bible says it as a matter of fact about Sarah, Rachel, and Esther (to name a few). They were simply beautiful women. Same goes for the handsomeness of the boys in our lives. Don't we want the proper expression of femininity and masculinity in our children?! Then affirm it when you see it! Note what is good, what is lovely, commendable! Saying, "Your outfit looks great!" affirms things like thought, order, and creativity. Don't withhold kind words for fear of vanity. Let your people know they are seen by you! Be known for commending rather than critiquing.

Maybe this building of confidence by us will keep them from trying to find it in all the wrong places and through the wrong means later on...?

Obviously, also affirm the things that cannot be "seen" such as:

-how a situation was handled
-integrity
-helpfulness
-obedience
-discernment/ wisdom
-problem solving
-organization
-social skills (ex. humor, politeness, confidence, poise)

Closing thoughts on emotional connectivity:

Do you know what it's like when someone is unable to connect emotionally? Do you feel like you are able to have a meaningful relationship?

No. It's awkward and confusing at best, and likely detrimental.

How about relationship with the Holy Spirit? Is it possible to be in relationship with God and be void of affection and emotion? How can we be aware of him and relate to his indwelling if we don't at least partially relate through feeling?

I frequently ask myself to what extent I am emotionally stunted. Maybe this is peculiar to you, dear reader, or maybe the world is filled with emotional dysfunction. I'm not one to know.

I've loved noting how Jesus was full of uninhibited emotion, and how he beautifully related with the people closest to him. It has been helpful to realize how my relationship with the Lord can be alive with emotion rather than lethargic with only logic. He created us to be emotion-filled people; he has intended for us to experience him and this life he abundantly gives. We cannot fully experience anything through logic and knowledge alone.

I want to learn to feel and to connect deeply; openly and out loud.


~Katherine
(Images 8/2018)