Hope.

J.C. Ryle, regarding prayer as the primary task and comfort in all our parenting:

"Without the blessing of the Lord, your best endeavors will do no good. He has the hearts of all men in His hands, and except He touch the hearts of your children by His Spirit, you will weary yourself to no purpose. Water, therefore, the seed you sow on their minds with unceasing prayer. The Lord is far more willing to hear than we to pray; far more ready to give blessings than we to ask them; -but He loves to be entreated for them. And I set this matter of prayer before you, as at the top stone and seal of all you do. I suspect the child of many prayers is seldom cast away."

When we pray for our children, we pray that God would accomplish that which we cannot do. We are praying for a miracle: we pray for the salvation of their souls, for dead hearts to come alive, for rescue from eternal damnation in hell to eternal life in glory. Only God can do this. 

Let us be sober-minded about reality, never lulled or fooled by the here-and-now, the comforts of the world, or the distractions of this life. And let us draw comfort in the goodness of God and his desire to save.

I pray that God would remember mercy when he thinks of us, and I cling to the knowledge that his mercy triumphs over judgment! 

>:<

Heading our into the morning surf.
We miss our summer days.
So much so, in fact, that Andrew and I spent a good part of yesterday pretending it wasn't a Monday school day. He worked ahead all weekend and I followed through on my promise.

Sometimes we soar, sometimes we eat it.

Images: August 2019

~Katherine

Last Summer Monday

Here I am seated in a quaint little market and coffee shop in La Jolla. I am pampered, and very aware I enjoy a luxurious life by many standards. Olivia is taking a surfing class she was gifted last spring, and my younger boys and a friend are snorkeling just south of the Shores. It's the spot where (docile) leopard sharks congregate to have their young, so I am looking forward to hearing about their sightings. They keep thanking me for taking them to do fun things at amazing places, but they don't yet realize I get to do it.

Summer days are wrapping up quickly. That lump in my throat hasn't formed yet - a nice surprise - but as per usual I am soaking up every last minute with my kids and making the most of our opportunities. This summer has been grand. Wonderful, really. The Lord has been so kind in answering prayer and showing me in distinct ways that he has not left us to our own. The activities and events of our summer break have been really special, but I am leaving this season with such gratefulness for the frequent ways God has allowed me to see maturity, tenderness, growth, and relationship shine forth in new ways. There have been excellent conversations, improved bonds of relationship, and wordless moments and gestures that convey, "We're together." Then through those moments I feel the Spirit remind me, "I've always been there. Press on."

I have prayed long and hard for certain things (and will continue to do so). God is faithful, eager to meet me. The regularity and fervency of my prayers are not that which will produce any good, but only the faithfulness and goodness of God. It's all him.

~Katherine

Communication

"We find out that good communication requires more intentionality and pursuit and careful listening and humility and persistence and perseverance and real love than we originally expected or probably wanted to give. But if we really press into it, we tend to discover far more about that person than we knew before and experience new levels of intimacy and friendship with them. If we don’t, we won’t. 

The same is true of God."

-jon bloom

~Katherine

Tuesday Musings on Parenting

We are settled back into the routine after a wonderful week of spring break. I'm not sure who loves a break from school most, but it's a close call between the kids and me. I start my bucket list of activities weeks in advance, plan topics of conversation, and integrate plenty of later nights and slower mornings. Sometimes I actually plan early mornings for myself (alone!) and let my kids sleep in; those are needful times for us all. One week went by far too fast.

So now we're in the final stretch of the school year. That's a happy thought. The fact that we've made it this far --and learned all that we've learned-- has already been an accomplishment I'm ready to celebrate. It's been such a good year of growing... and of some growing pains, too.

This morning I handed Michael and Olivia their lunch bags as they laced up, then we walked together out towards the truck. I'd been thinking all morning about this year's trials, learning curves, failures, and successes. Although adolescence is a time of growing, it's quite possible that a mother must do even more growing herself. This school year has been one in which I was pressed to trust God more fully as I learn to let go of the clutch I have on my kids. This is the kind of growth that matters most... trusting in God, letting go of fear and control, and learning to love without demands. This is growing in freedom and faith, and always worth the growing pains that come with it. As Olivia and Michael pulled away from the house, my mind reached back through the months and I remembered how we've all aspired to new levels of freedom this year, and how it has required me to let go of fear and control and take hold of faith still more. In this way, I have been called to a greater love for God and my kids.

Trusting in God has been at the forefront of my thoughts this year. I have to believe he loves my kids more than I can possibly know, and that in his sovereignty he has a story uniquely designed and written for them. It will not look like my story, nor will it look like the story I'd write for them if I could. But it is a better story, perfectly suited for their needs and written for God's glory. I've also had to simply trust that my prayers to God are heard, that he delights to answer, that he came to save us in every way.

Letting go of fear and control is also very much related to trusting God and resting in his revealed character. Letting go of my fears and control also allows my kids to live more securely in my love, and in the knowledge and example of my trust in God. They need to know I'll still love if they mess up, if their preferences and opinions are different from mine, even if their beliefs are different. They must know I trust God to care for them. No one feels loved if they constantly feel stifled, judged. No one feels loved if they are caged up and "protected" because of fear. No one feels the love of God extended through me if they are required to measure up and maintain the appearance of being right in my eyes. You see, letting go of fear and control in our growing children is a better, deeper love for them. Stifling their development because of fear (all the what-ifs) is not loving, and trying to control them is a manipulative demonstration of my own self-worship.

Learning to love without demand is a big topic to dwell on. It may take my whole life to squelch all the ways I attach a demand to love. It's pretty sick. When your eyes are opened to this, a whole host of ways we pervert true love becomes evident. For today though, I want to simply remember that my children are not here for me. They are not created for my glory. They are not made to live for my happiness, or to make me feel good about myself. They are not to live for my reputation, or to feed my ego, or to inflate my self-worth. They are not my identity. They are not to be bent and broken to be conformed to my image. So in all of this, I must keep squelching those bad thoughts and feelings (and resulting words and actions) that creep in and demonstrate that I can easily attach demands to loving my kids. No, this is not real love. Love points to a greater Love, whose image is perfect, and who died to cover us in his righteousness, without expectation or demand needed to be fulfilled.

I once read that the goal of parenthood is to shift from proper and needful governance of our kids when they are little to influence when they older. I hope to be a positive influence, but I'm just fine accepting that they might be influencing me. That would wonderful, actually, if they surpassed my maturity and wisdom. I hope to be humble enough even now to learn from them. My hope and prayer is that there would be mutual influence built on friendship and that love and acceptance would define that relationship. I don't want to dominate because I am the parent. From the time they were little, I've wanted to befriend rather than belittle (as we can easily do to kids). It continues to be my goal, even when it requires gentle, yet relentless, pressing in and prayer.

I don't have all the answers, of course, and parenting is not a formula. I actually think we complicate things quite severely in our attempt to get it right. If two commandments summarize the whole of scripture and the duty of mankind, "Love the Lord with your whole being, and love others as yourself," then I think those two instructions should adequately summarize our duty as parents.


~Katherine

Morning Plea

This song has been on replay. It echoes something of my heart and morning prayers, my simple, honest plea.



Jon was up and out earlier than usual this morning, but I have no idea if it was the 5- or 6 o'clock hour. I snuggled down deeper after he kissed me good-bye and I watched as the foggy westward sky reflected the sunrise.

Morning prayers.

Mine are not very coherent if they were to be spoken out loud, but I'm thankful the Lord hears the words of my heart and delights in honesty more than he desires proper form and function. Maybe my prayers are not very reverent; probably they are not. I would never address royalty in a curled position, under bedsheets and with disheveled hair, with words that are often times interrupted by moments of sleep. And God is so much more than mere royalty.

These are the moments I think of God as my Abba Father, tender and compassionate to my frail human state, and setting his love and affection on me despite my condition. And despite a lack of reverence.

I want to know Him. Yes, I want to know his word, too; knowing him will come by way of knowing the Bible, for in it he reveals himself to mankind. I don't want to settle for my own creation of who God is, only the very truth he proclaims about himself. But knowing the Bible is different from knowing God, and many know the Bible without knowing God. I want to know Him.

More than that, even, is that I simply want Him. Just knowing him and wanting him. Because the knowing of a person is a far cry from relationship with that person.

I want you, God.
Cover me,
Hedge me,
Lead me,
Carry me,
Dwell with me, in me.

I love you, God; help me to love you more. Walk with me today... go before me and direct me.

I can't do it alone...


Before the fog lifts and my Bible opens, it is there I know the presence of God.



~Katherine

Easter 2017

So Easter happened. I saw lots of happy family pictures posted on social media, all pretty in Easter Sunday best. I didn't take one of my crew. For a fleeting moment I thought of taking a couple shots, but I really wasn't into imposing that on us. The boys would have grumbled, Jon would have accepted the interruption though his focus was intently on the sermon, and I was wearing a dress I've worn for 8 years or so. Blah. Olivia looked cute, that I did notice.

But Easter picture wouldn't do one single thing to prepare my heart for the significance of Christ's resurrection, and really, that's what I wanted most.

I had made some Easter plans as an attempt to make the day stand out from the rest. We had a special breakfast together, and preparations were made to have several families from church for the day. Oh, and the egg toss which has become something the kids look forward to now. I never really know what the plan is any more. I've tried to become flexible enough in my hosting to include more people than anticipated. I want holidays to be celebratory and inclusive.

Yeah, but an Easter menu and a decorated table and laughter over splattered eggs doesn't equate true celebration. This I know and feel.

I didn't grow up with particularly festive holidays and we didn't have many traditions. As frequently happens, people grow up and decide they want to do differently from how they were brought up. I am sure my kids will look back and decide that they don't want to repeat certain things I've done. This is to be expected. For me, though, one thing I wanted to do differently were holidays and celebrations. I wanted family traditions and festive celebrations. I've had to work at this, learning the how-to of hosting and preparing for such occasions. I have seen that my efforts have enriched our family life, but I've also grown acutely aware that special days of worship can turn into distracted days of human tradition and entertainment.

This isn't worship. Yes, I want days like Resurrection Sunday to stand out as being special, but I desire this to come from humble hearts of gratefulness and true worship. We should be able to do this  regardless of the menu and decor and entertainment. I want to learn how to do this.

In the car today, I told the boys that every single day my desire is to communicate to them just how wonderful God is. In a big huge way I want them to know this... To taste and see that the Lord is good.

But I don't have the words. I told them I fail at communicating what my heart longs to say, longs for them to know. So despite my difficulty, I pray daily that the Lord's face would shine on us, that we would know him, that our eyes would be opened to the Truth that changes hearts and lives.

I want every cell of my body, and the entirety of my soul to be oriented to God and to know him for who he really is... and then to be able to express it appropriately.

But I find myself stuck, distracted, wayward, and stone-like at times.

Then Easter comes and all I want is for my mind and heart to truly celebrate. And I'm unable to do so beyond surface type praise.

This side of eternity, I will not be able to fully grasp the depth of my sin or the vastness of Christ's love and sacrifice. I won't fully understand the significance of his resurrection with my finite heart and mind. It's too wonderful for me.

In the car ride today, I encouraged the boys once again to go before God in complete honesty. If they don't believe, they should tell him so. He already knows it, and there is no use pretending with him. If they don't love him, they should ask that he would change their heart. I told them that sin will happen. It just will. The good news is that God always forgives. The proud, unrepentant heart, however, is to be feared. We ought to pray that God would orient us toward him... because we cannot do it on our own.

I tell God I don't love and worship as I should. I tell him I want to, but I need his help. I hope this humility, though terribly small in terms of gifts or expression of thanksgiving, is pleasing to Him. He knows my heart and how it needs to be sanctified.

He promises to do it, and his word is always sure. He resurrected, just as he said he would, and  he will surely return. Then I will know true worship.

>>:<<

We had a wonderful spring break last week. We were able to get away as a family for a few days and enjoy this season of our lives. We went through Santa Barbara, our get-away town during the years we lived in L.A., and we recreated the very first picture I posted on this blog. You can see the original picture HERE. 

~Katherine

Rabbit Trails and Bits of Life

The blank page I'm staring into as I begin a new post is daunting just now. An empty page holds so much possibility, but right now it is only causing my mind to go blank. You'd think that after a couple weeks of quiet here I'd have things to say. Well, I did have things to say. Tons of things. Mostly they are only appropriate for a private post, though, and I don't write private posts for fear that I'd inadvertently send it out to the public.

OK, now that the page isn't so blank, I'm beginning to relax about it. "Relax" is a strange idea. I'm not a high energy person - despite the fact that I really, really wish with all my heart I had more energy - but that certainly does not mean I'm a relaxed person. People say I'm relaxed. They say I'm patient. But I'm not. I'm antsy, always pushing hard for something, always wanting to do more, squeeze more out of life, and maybe prove something for myself... and I lack the energy I need to do it all with gusto. But I'm pretty sure I will die trying.

I trust God knew what he was doing when he chose to make me physically low-energy while giving me high-energy desires.

I feel life with intensity, too, and there has been way too much emotion this year for me. Like high-energy punches in the gut of this low-energy person. I've felt like throwing up emotion. Really, I've had mental pictures of throwing up. Wouldn't it be nice if that knot and churning of the stomach, the lump in the throat, the aching heart, the teary eyes... could be relieved by running around the corning and puking out emotion?

I trust God knew what he was doing when he chose to make me an intense-feeling, heart-thinking, longing-for-depth-and-air-all-at-the-same-time kind of person.

Maybe it is to teach me to find my strength and my satisfaction in him alone?


(I have a feeling this is going to be a rabbit trail sort of post. That's a warning, not necessarily an apology.)

>:<

The brains of this world tell us that rigorous academics and structure are important for the proper education of children. Well, we've had springtime weather here and I've seriously had it with academics and structure. When Michael asked if we could go hiking, I found a day we could scrap those academics and structure and go and live a little. I'm no brain, but my heart and soul say that we can best educate children in the things of life if they are allowed to be free from the constant imposition of things to know and do, and let our senses breathe in life and beauty in a natural, organic way. I've been dreaming up things to do together, adventures to take, places to explore. This week we went looking (and seeking) in the wild. I may have it all wrong when it come to the wholesomeness of nature for the raising of children, but I'm willing to risk it. 

The first find of the day by Michael was a horned lizard

Olivia and I came looking for the wild spring flowers. Wild anything is my fav.

Except snakes. Wild or captured, I despise snakes.

Of course, Michael was looking for snakes. They show up in my nightmares, but fortunately he's not in my nightmares. Olivia is a different kind of girl than me, at least when it comes to snakes. The boys respect me enough not to lunge at me with their snakes to get a reaction, and I trust them enough to get close and take pictures for them.

He was doing a Steve Irwin impersonation-- a very good one, too.

It was hotter than expected, so we were happy to find a little bubbling stream. The boys were quick to peel off their socks and shoes...

Not my favorite picture of myself, but I was there living and breathing and enjoying life too. That's worth remembering. Don't go through motherhood undocumented. Someone down the line will surely be happy to see you some day.

Once again, the boys came back home with all sorts of things. They have way too many terrariums and containers of plants happening in our house (with living things inside), and I'm quietly irritated by the indoor gardening that often takes place, but deep down I know that there is somehow great benefit to letting them pursue various interests and projects. Actually, there is even greater benefit when I lend my support and encouragement. Maybe it will lead to something really useful, or lucrative, or fascinating some day. Or maybe it will just be something we laugh about. I just don't think it's going to be entirely useless in the end.

A big brain once said: "Play is the highest form of research." -A. Einstein

I'm going with it...

Like me, they are observers. They delve into their surroundings and watch with fascination.

I especially like people watching; I notice interactions, expressions, body language. I notice hands: their shape, color, size, weathering, and their way of moving. Maybe that's odd, but I like to think hands tell stories. People are just so fascinating. There are all kinds on this earth, which alone is interesting to contemplate. I notice how people are so different from me, and wonder if there are others like myself. If so, would I recognize them? I have a feeling we often think of ourselves as being quite different from what we really are...

I have always been enthralled with those who exude warmth, compassion, and acceptance. That's the kind of person I'd like to be, but those are areas I've got to work at. And I have always been intrigued by those who are reserved, wondering at their story. For as long as I can remember I have been a quiet observer.

Watching people for years can lead to a certain disenchantment, though. Maybe this comes from learning of my own heart as it becomes exposed through various circumstances in life. If anything, maybe my understanding of human nature is increasing. I've noticed that the most beautiful traits in man are so very difficult to live out, regardless of how we interact with the world around. I’ve learned that life and people and circumstances are extremely complex, and I cannot ever expect to understand a person by mere observation. It makes me see how misguided and foolish it is to judge others. Truly, each of us, if we are honest, don’t really understand the depths of our own hearts.

But God does. And he is compassionate towards me. What's more is that he has set his Spirit within me to help me. No sarcasm here, I just need help in a big, big way every single day. Sometime I don’t even know how to pray, what to ask, and how to live by his strength. But I keep coming to him, knowing that he knows the depth of my heart and the real need I have for righteous living, and he intercedes on my behalf with words I do not know. How wonderful and comforting is this knowledge!

One type of person that has particularly intrigued me are those who have lived through particular and prolonged hardship, trials, and suffering. Depending on how these people deal with their suffering, there are all sorts of results. No on is immune to suffering. I am learning to ask myself two basic questions: Will I let sadness or suffering possess me, or will I flee to Christ to find help, freedom, guidance, forgiveness, comfort... and everything else that I need?

My kids, no doubt, are watching me just the same way I watch others. They are looking to see what fills me... May it not be fear, or worry, or sadness, or shame, but the very Spirit of God who is transforming me into the likeness of Christ.

I'm not sure if this quote on prayer is exactly quite fitting with these random thoughts tonight, but I still like it. Prayer is such an amazing gift, and yet if I really believed it I'd have thick callous on my knees. I want to believe more...

“Prayer is the life-breath of man’s soul. Without it, we may have a name to live, and be counted Christians; but we are dead in the sight of God. The feeling that we must cry to God for mercy and peace is a mark of grace; and the habit of spreading before Him our soul’s wants is an evidence that we have the spirit of adoption. And prayer is the appointed way to obtain the relief of our spiritual necessities. It opens the treasury, and sets the fountain flowing. If we have not, it is because we ask not.”  ~ J.C. Ryle

>>:<<

It's Monday night now, and the house will be quiet for the moment. Here are a few happenings from this day:

• Olivia left early this morning with her entrepreneur club from school. They presented their business idea at a Shark Tank type competition, and returned with investor dollars to get their idea started in time for the next competition. She is the only girl on the team, responsible for marketing/logo/creative side, and the feedback is that she did a killer job in the presentation.
• Michael had a presentation as well today. His was on Winston Churchill for his online class. From his own assessment, he did a killer job, too! He tends to have no anxiety over presentations and speeches, though I wish he gave a little more attention to instructions. It was no surprise when he found out moments before class that the slides he had submitted were in the wrong format. We spent some frustrating moments on three computers trying to get the issue sorted out while a classmate presented first. Typical Michael... doing great by the skin on his teeth and in the nick of time!
• Andrew and Jacob are each taking a "Weird Science" class at school. Today was the annual egg drop. The kids each come up with a design or contraption to keep an egg from breaking. Their designs are tested by being dropped from the roof of the school, one at a time. This is the second year my boys have been involved. Jacob decided to go with a last minute, riskier idea since he already had the satisfaction of a successful drop last year. His was a happy fail, and he liked the mess it created in MY package of batting. Andrew repeated his contraption from last year and found success again. In fact, his geometric criss-cross of plastic straws with a small triangular open space for the egg was kept by his teacher as a class model. Too bad, because I was going to take a picture of it.
• It just so happened that Jon came home, and it was lunch time, and there were no kids home (which is unusual).... so we decided to go on a quick lunch date. Except we weren't hungry, so we got tea and coffee for our lunch date. It was a happy, unexpected event on a Monday.
• Andrew has a bird nest in his tree. He has two eggs, and can't decide if he should try to pet the mother dove or not. I'm letting him decide.
• Jack wants to buy me a skateboard for mother's day. I spent some time yesterday afternoon skateboarding with him. I only fell once, but it was not a terrible fall. Neither was it graceful. I tried to be cool. Tried. No matter, the fact that I skateboarded with him was a big deal, and I learned that I kinda like it. I'm not sure if my older kids would be embarrassed, but you just might see me skating down by the beach come mother's day.
• Dairy Queen was giving out free cones today. I'm hardly ever a sucker for freebies, but I took my kids out for a free cone after dinner. It made them happy. So it made me happy, too.
• Jon is now home from elder's meeting, and just asked, "Do you have much left?" That's my cue to wrap things up. Besides, I'd rather be with him.

~Katherine

School Again

It was the first official day for the boys. They groaned when I woke them this morning, but they were happy by the time we pulled out of the lane. We really do love summer vacation best, but we've enjoyed it well and school is a must. We may as well be happy for it.

8th, 6th, and 4th grades~

We are hybrid schoolers now, not traditional public-, private-, or homeschoolers. The boys have elective classes at our charter school (ex. computers, speech and debate, writing, science lab, sports, VAPA, etc.) and we homeschool for the core subjects. Michael takes live, online history and writing classes through the publishers of our classical curriculum. Olivia is taking Chemistry (+lab) and Fitness through the charter high school, independent study English with weekly one-on-one teacher/student discussion, French at the community college, and the rest through independent study at home (our choice of curriculum) but under the supervision of the charter school. She is blazing through her HS requirements, and it's been fun to think how she can use her last couple years of HS. There are so many options available to us, and we are very thankful for the freedom to pick and choose each year based on the needs of our kids and the desires of our family.

For the first time in 15 1/2 years of mothering, I have found myself with a kid-less three hour block each Monday! I've obviously never been the type to count down the days till I could put my kids in pre-school, or when they would start kindergarten, or head back to class at the end of the summer months. I haven't chosen to homeschool only because I am greedy to be with my kids all the time (although that did factor in!), but I have been keenly aware that all too soon the day will come when I will long for more time together. I know the years will come when getting together may not be very frequent. I pray that my heart will be ready for that time, ready to let them fully go and do what God calls them to. So for now, I am super grateful we still spend so much time together.

And yet, three hours per week sounds great! Today I did some birthday shopping, I made a quick stop at Marshall's, and worked on some laundry, dishes, emails, and birthday plans. Olivia is home for much of the day on Mondays, so we spent a tiny bit of time hanging out between her study time. Three hours has a lot of potential for me, especially when I am mindful that I only have three hours. I'm sure I'll end up spending it on errands and chores, but perhaps there will be occasional lunch dates with Jon, and maybe some time for blogging or exercise or reading.

We gathered around the living room yesterday evening. It was a time to talk about the coming year and to keep conversations open and honest. Jon and I desire to come along side each of our kids, to enthusiastically guide and encourage them, and to be compassionate toward them in their struggles. Last night we talked about issues of character, holding high the bar but explaining that we are here to help and encourage them. We talked about relationships and accountability, respect, self-control. We shared some of our struggles, too. Jon prayed for us, acknowledging that without the help and blessing of the Lord, we are all doomed for failure.

Today, at one point in my three hours of quiet, I knelt by my bathtub and prayed for my kids. I prayed that they would each be sensitive to the Spirit. I thanked God for His presence with them, and I petitioned Him for His blessings on their lives.

Tonight, I smile because I know that God loves them more than I can comprehend, and that his ear is toward this mother's heart. He delights to be entreated, and delights in being made known in our lives.


~Katherine

The Mightiest Engine

There are boys in my backyard having air soft wars. Boys filled my yard and crowded my kitchen last night, too. I have but a moment here before I must leave to pickup Michael from weight conditioning camp and Olivia from a sleepover birthday party. It's summer, and we're living it up!

Me, too, despite an injured foot that is still giving me trouble since Saturday. I took my boys to an end-of-season football party, not realizing that parents were playing against the kids. I was happy to play, but I played barefoot since my sandals were not suitable. About halfway through the game, my foot was crushed under a large cleat as I ran the ball. The pain wasn't too bad... or maybe I just did a fine job at saving face. I kept playing and I've paid for it. By Monday I made an appointment for an X-ray, but cancelled and decided to RICE instead and wait it out for a while. It's healing great, but this morning it's throbbing so I'm taking the excuse to sit and blog!

I've been preparing to teach a class next month, and this morning I made a pile of resources that have impacted me in my parenting. There is a small booklet by J.C. Ryle called The Duties of Parents which I have loved, and I thought I'd write out a quote for the sake of parental encouragement this morning.

"Prayer is the mightiest engine God has placed in our hands. It is the best weapon to use in every difficulty, and the surest in every trouble. It is the key that unlocks the treasury of promises, and the hand that draws forth grace and help in time of need. It is the silver trumpet God commands us to sound in all our necessity, and it is the cry He has promised always to attend to, even as a loving mother to the voice of her child...

"Parents, if you love your children, do all that lies in your power to train them up to a habit of prayer. Show them how to begin. Tell them what to say. Encourage them to persevere. Remind them if they become careless and slack about it. Let it not be your fault, at any rate, if they never call on the name of the Lord."

Pictures from a recent trip to the desert: Windy roads that run back and forth along the mountainside are scenic and fun... until they are not and we have to stop to let stomachs settle.   :/


~Katherine

For the Long Run

Running has become routine again this year. I like both the challenge and the reward. It's a discipline that comes with benefits, and I think both are equally good. Reward without challenge isn't very valuable; challenge without reward is disheartening.

I think much of life is the same. If you want the reward, you have to put in the effort.

Running always seems analogous to other aspects of life for me... the hills, the runs when every aspect seems extra difficult, the last two miles when I'm tempted to give up... or running slow but steady... or running free and feeling good with the ocean breeze and a full moon. I often equate difficulties in life with the harder runs, and the discipline of pushing myself in the midst of it seems to be practice for determination and perseverance in trial. On the other hand, a good run brings thankfulness for the ability to do so, for my health, and for my surroundings.

I've also learned that my feelings are not a very reliable gauge. I might be feeling really good, only to find out that I ran a given set of miles slowly, or I might feel like I'm dragging, only to discover I shaved significant time off my minutes per mile. Such is life. We can't evaluate our progress based on our feelings, and sometimes we can only know how well we've done in retrospect. 

I pray a lot when I run, mainly for Jon and our kids, but also for extended family and the church. I've learned that sometimes the best way to pray is to simply repeat to God what He has revealed about Himself, and to ask Him to fulfill His promises. He is unchanging and His promises are true. I am learning that herein is rest and assurance, not in my fictional imaginings or in the what-ifs. He tells us that He is a God who loves to save sinners, so I acknowledge it and ask Him to save. He tells us He is merciful and compassionate, so I pray for mercy and compassion. He tells us He will give wisdom to those who ask, so I ask in faith.

Sometimes I just tell Him I'm struggling. It seems almost silly at times because it's just so obvious. But I'm committed to praying honestly because God already sees through me anyway. Sometimes I tell him that the (literal) hill I'm running is killing me and I ask Him to teach me perseverance. I also tell Him about the other "hills" I'm facing, asking for wisdom, strength, and perseverance. He calls me into relationship with Him; when I'm facing something difficult, it is simply relational to come out and say it.

Recently I have been thinking about how to extend grace. For several weeks now, my running seems to be getting more difficult. The same distance is more difficult, and I'm not seeing the progress I was once experiencing. The same hills have been defeating me. Finally it dawned on me one day that it would be OK to walk that one hill that goes nearly straight up. I know- wow!-- what a revelation! I can be an extreme in-the-box-thinker sometimes! But seriously, it hit me that I need to give myself permission to do less. Less is still good, it's still movement toward progress. It makes me think about my kids, or others I interact with... and how I need to cultivate an attitude of giving grace. Our lives and situations are often more complicated than they appear. Let's just rejoice in progress (sanctification), instead of being critical of the pace of progress.

Incidentally, I found out that I'm past due for another iron infusion to treat my anemia. It turns out that I was supposed to go in back in December, but somehow the doctor's orders were lost in communication at the clinic. Some of my levels are at 5-6% capacity in comparison to the norm. So yes, giving myself permission to take it easier was good after all.

>>:<<

Memorial weekend was wonderful. Each of my kids were invited to spend the long weekend with good family friends on a camping trip. (Many families from our church have an annual tradition of camping together.) They all had an exceptional time.

Thursday prior was spent gathering essentials and packing. I wasn't nervous about letting them go, but of course there were many things to review and discuss: 

have an attitude of gratitude towards each of your host families (which is reflected in obedience and respect)

stay in a group at all times

check for ticks

don't make jokes at the expense of others

say please and thank you

treat each other (siblings) as the dearest of friends

try to pitch in and help

include the kids that may be difficult to include

don't be alone with someone of the opposite sex

don't put your wet, dirty clothes back into your duffle bag with your clean clothes

beware of gossip

brush your teeth

look out for each other

receive correction humbly (even from each other)

...and so forth. It's a lot to remember and much more to practice. Some kids are good at following instruction, some just seem to forget. We all need to be reminded of the wisdom behind sound advice, and good habits that flow from a truly humble, obedient heart takes time and determination to develop.

I think we are easily tempted to desire behavior from our children that will make us look good as parents, or at least not cause us embarrassment. I'm sure this is a temptation for most parents, but I'd venture to say it's a particular temptation for ministry families. We do face extra scrutiny from some! Regularly, I have to consciously turn away from the desire to have perfect acting kiddos. It's a proud desire to gain the admiration and approval of others. And it's wrongly imposes burdens that neither we nor our children were meant to carry.

I'm not looking for perfect children. Failure and embarrassment often do us good. In fact, without the awareness and pain of sin and failure, we cannot see our need for Christ. He wants to forgive and empower those who humble themselves before Him. 

Our kids' behavior might cause us to cringe sometime, and we might be disappointed or embarrassed, or even heart broken. But parenting is a long run endeavor. Our kids won't get it all right, and that's OK! It is opportunity to point to the Savior. It's an opportunity to lean into our heavenly Father for all that we need.

My kids each had a fun and memorable time away. Some were placed in situations that stretched their character. Michael carried an injured friend on his back for a reported 2 miles (though he says it was much less). He even tied his sock around her foot to compress the bleeding wound!

And there was another situation where there was a more serious accident (that certainly could have been much worse), and the group of bigger kids had to make critical decisions on their won. It's been cool to hear of their thought processes, and how they contributed each in their own way.

Through it all, we are thankful for God's protection and for sweet friends who partner with us in life!

One of the most wonderful things about the long weekend was that Jon and I got so spend it together!! It didn't really hit us that we would be home alone for nearly four days until our kids were actually gone. We got a chance to see what empty nesting will be like! 

Frankly, at first it was kind of awkward. We could just say what we wanted to say-- no interruption, no background chaos, no half-way communication because of listening ears. And then that was it. Crickets came out... 

But it wasn't too long and the potential for the weekend began to be evident. Just us! We are far too aware of the fact that many marriages dissolve when kids leave home. Early on in marriage we recognized the fact that we'd have to spend the rest of our lives fighting hard for each other, for our marriage, for us. We have done that at varying degrees of success over the years, but the fight for a rock-solid marriage continues.

Life gets full and it's easy to slip into the rut of a functional marriage. Of course this is not the goal, and it is not the rich blessing God intended for marriage. Over the years we have found ourselves in need of renewed pursuit for each other. I suppose it's normal to wonder how solid we really are, and how we will be with each other when the distraction of raising kids is ended.

Well, we got a little glimpse last weekend. We were both encouraged to discover that we still work well together, we still find each other very interesting, and we are still very much physically attracted to each other! A whole lot! 

I am reminded here tonight that marriage is also for the long run. We have to keep at it relentlessly. Our effort today will determine our marital health in the future. There will be times of discouragement and failure, but we get up and go again. 

By the grace of God. 

And for His glory.

>>:<<

School is nearly out. Olivia is entering her week of exams, and she is fighting her first virus of the year (head cold). She has to give it one last push... the finish line is in sight!

My kids have all done an amazing job this year. I am so proud of them! They have all made great strides academically, and they have matured in various ways. I'm thankful for the experiences that have moved us along the road of maturity!

(The pictures in this post were from earlier in the spring. When I came across them recently, they made me smile all over again... )

A snap shot with her not-so-little brother! (above)

Hand-made earrings, and her home life surrounded by boys. 

Special times with special people

~Katherine