Last night I couldn't sleep. Maybe it was because I ran 5 miles just before showering and going to bed. Maybe it was because I've been hopeful, trying to make plans prudently, yet not getting ahead of what the Lord may or may not have for us. Either way, my mind was busy. I had worries that were entirely ridiculous, and I had a couple nightmares, too.
At one point I gave up trying to sleep. I came down to make sure no one had come in through the windows, as I had been dreaming, and that my kids were all in their beds. It was just after 2AM. I had a glass of water, and sat down to read a few chapters of Little Women. That turned out to be a bad idea. I boo-hood for an hour and a half as I read of Beth's dying, and the resulting sadness and loneliness for Jo, Marmee and Mr. March. I couldn't even be consoled by Jo learning to love Laurie!
Finally I went back to bed, tossed and turned, and had a dream about crashing into the washing machine in the garage because the car was in drive rather than reverse. In my dream, Jon came out and laughed hysterically at the geyser of water flooding our garage; I cried.
Strange night. Fortunately I'm functioning pretty well today nonetheless. We need to run out in a bit to buy some fresh basil for the puttanesca sauce I planned to make tonight, along with some produce. Andrew is running a fever, so I'm going to delay doing my full order for his sake. Jacob asked for more berries because he could "still taste the plain in his yogurt."
Michael has been all about showering me with kisses this week. I'm not sure why, since school has started up and he's my least eager student. His timing of kisses is sort of off, and usually he plants a sticky one on me right after eating. He's not my tidiest eater either.
Jacob is drinking out of a wine glass right now because all the regular glasses are in the dishwasher. He looks rather funny.
I've been kind of sentimental this week, missing my little brother whose birthday was just yesterday. His birthday made me remember that this week marks the week I left home for college. It was all the way in Virginia, 12 hours away, and in a different country. I didn't feel like I was moving out, and I wanted my side of the room which my sister and I shared to stay just as I left it. Little did I know I really was moving out, and that my life would be very different from how I expected it to be.
But I wouldn't trade it. It has been interesting to see how the Lord has led me, gently and patiently, and changed my desires drastically. I've seen the playing out of these changes yet again this past year, and I rejoice because, yes indeed, He is changing me. Sometimes it's hard to see growth/sanctification unless we look at the big picture.
Yesterday I asked Jon to pull down from storage my little bin of pictures and letters from high school and college. I showed my kids the few pictures I have of me as a kid, and they were quiet as they noted the details. I know the feeling: It's like looking at someone you know, but not really. Later Jon and I had some good laughs, mainly at our hideous 90's clothes and hair. Oh my goodness! High waisted baggy jeans, thick and rather straight eyebrows, and head to toe denim. We both agreed we wouldn't really want to go back to those years!
But I love that we were together even then. I've spent half my life in a relationship with Jon and it has been grand.
~
Pictures from yesterday afternoon...
~Katherine
strange dreams and crying for hours over a book. i can relate. enjoyed reading this:) but sorry for the sleepless night.
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