Friday, October 11, 2013

Perfect knowledge, perfect timing

You know your life is pretty dull when at 10:45 on a Friday night you sit down for a moment while the floors you just mopped are drying! My days are full, and the to-do list is fuller still. But it's my life now and I wouldn't trade having things to do for a life of empty ease.

I felt like coming here tonight and complaining about the irritants around the house, situations that have caused increased disorder in a home undergoing some remodeling (slowly, because it's not like we have much extra time to do it!), and some unexpected hefty bills from Uncle Sam that just came in. Some times it seems like it all comes down at once, and it's almost debilitating. Tonight, I started typing out some details then deleted because it was all in bad taste. Unnecessary and unprofitable.

But I have been full of worry and angst. All the details, the pressures, and questions about how we get out from under it all. I've worried, second guessed, and lived in denial. Why now? Wasn't there enough to deal with already? I have moved through the day feeling all twisty-turny inside, worried for myself a little, but especially concerned for Jon who bears the brunt of it.

At one point in the day I finally realized that all my grumbling and complaining was ultimately toward God. Doesn't He know exactly what is coming because He planned it for our lives? Aren't all these situations ordained by Him? Isn't this exactly what He intended for us right now? Yes. And it's all for our good and His glory. I may not understand, but I will trust and believe. His decisions are good, His timing is perfect.

Worry and angst slowly yields to joy and confidence. It's a battle to be sure, but one I am determined to fight.

(Backyard leaf samples from Jack. I thought it was pretty.)


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