Thoughts on a June Sunday

Sunday afternoon. The sun is shining and the temps are perfect. My boys and their friends are playing in the pool, the big blue inflated shark surviving just fine so far. Five boys just finished a water war game with the spa acting as the fort. Then for a few moments it was quiet, but only while they devoured an entire watermelon. I'm not sure when I'll feel it's safe for me to leave my kids unwatched in the pool, even just to use the bathroom. Probably not for a few more years, so in the mean time I sit here rather uncomfortably in my Sunday clothes...

I am blessed. At first, when we were still house shopping, Jon wasn't thrilled about pools for safety and maintenance reasons. But it has been wonderful. I always thought it would make the best form of entertainment for my kids and their friends, and it makes saying 'yes' to impromptu Sunday afternoon invitations when my kids approach me with pleading eyes.

Plus, the promise of a refreshing swim makes a good incentive to work. We've had a ton of yard work since we've moved in, not only because yards take work, but because this yard had been neglected for many years. I have a feeling it will take a good many years before we get it looking decent again, but for now we are happy with gradual improvements. It's a fun yard for the kids to play in; since it is not perfectly manicured I can more freely let them do as they wish.

Summer is really here now that I can relax a bit. I had been distracted from it until this week because Jon and I were scheduled to speak at another church. Public speaking is way out of my comfort zone, and the time to prepare is hardly ever present. In fact, I had been misinformed about the length of time I needed to speak: I was under the impression I was slotted for 15 minutes, when in reality I needed to be prepared for 45-60 minutes! Fortunately I found out about this a week or so before, and Jon provided me a few hours Monday afternoon to buckle down and put my talk together. Despite being nervous and feeling less prepared than I would have liked, the Lord was good to me and I survived!

It's strange, this idea of me teaching. I don't know, but it scares me every single time. In fact, sometimes I feel sick to my stomach just thinking about speaking in public. I'd rather be the one sitting in the back row unnoticed! I don't speak very often, but each time I am conflicted. On one hand, I don't feel like I'm the one to be looked to to speak about and explain God's Word. There are so many gifted teachers, why me? Is it by default, because I'm a preachers wife? That certainly doesn't qualify me. On the other hand, I don't believe this is my season to do very much teaching. I feel that these are my qualifying years; when I have proven myself faithful, then I will have the credibility to teach.

In addition, I have this sense of hypocrisy when I have to blow off my daily responsibilities, namely my husband and kids, to prepare to teach others on the topic of being wife and mom. I just won't do it. I'd rather stay up till morning and show up less than ideally prepared than to neglect the very people that I am called to be committed to.

I don't speak well, I bumble my way through feeling strapped to my notes and lacking the personal warmth I'd love to exude, but in the end it is always a blessing to point others to God and His Word. I want to be removed from the equation, and for those who hear me to turn to God.

Well the outdoor-pool-madness has turned to indoor-board-game-madness, and I now have a chance to get ready for the evening service. A cup of coffee sounds tempting, too.


~Katherine