Friday, October 5, 2012

A place of rest

Mornings have greeted me all too early this week. Tired and sore, I've had a pit in my stomach at the mere thought of the day lined up before me. It has been a long week. Not a bad week, just a very long, unpredictable, and tiring week.

My circumstances have not been what I would have hoped for a week such as this. One morning I awoke to discover the power was out, a situation which continued till after dinner because the power company had the wrong move-out date. The flu has dealt us a strong blow as it continues to inflict damage on our family. Michael has had it bad this week, hardly sleeping and coughing so hard his nose gushes blood, and Olivia was down for round two with a stomach bug yesterday. Work between the two houses continues as I pack up at one and work at the other, mainly cleaning and dealing with contractors.

Jon is overseas this week, and in an email to him yesterday I was able to honestly say that I love this crazy life we have, even when I'm not always crazy about the particulars of certain days. I don't wish I were doing something else, leading a more glamorous life. No, I don't wish for different, just better. I want better responses to difficulty, better communication, better relationships. In essence, I want a deeper love for God, which would translate to greater love for others.

OK, sometimes I wish for simplicity. I like to picture myself as a nurturing mother, doting on her sick children and sympathetically providing them with greater comfort. Instead, yesterday I was hurrying my sick child into the car with a handful of zip-lock bags and paper towels. They were used three times in the course of an hour, and all I could do was roll down the windows for air.

Our days are full and everyone is feeling a little ragged. Nevertheless, there is excitement about moving and I think we'll look back on this time and remember the good. I think we'll look back and see God's hand at work, as we have already seen Him answer our prayers.

(School work on the go... Andrew reading in the living room while I worked. Michael's place of choice was the porch steps, Olivia sat on a lawn chair, and Jacob used a cardboard box as a desk.)

(My trusty side-kicks, pulling out carpeting staples.)

(Michael, too sick for anything on this day, found the back seat of the car to be the only place to rest.)

(The kitchen is covered in dust, tools lay everywhere, and it's hard to believe this is where we will live in a week or so. Flowers from a friend say "welcome home".)

"You are a hiding place for me; you preserve me from trouble; you surround me with shouts of deliverance." Psalm 37:2

In Him I find rest. Not physical rest yet, but rest for my soul. There's a knowing that everything that comes my way has been planned, and it is there for my good. I may not understand, but I believe. And when I feel anxious, or when Plans A, B, and C fall apart, there's comfort knowing that He has it all mapped out. There's excitement when the kids and I pray expectantly, and gratefulness when He answers and our faith grows . When I'm facing a situation that I don't know how to handle, I hold on to the promise that He gives wisdom to those who seek it.

This knowledge, this confidence in God and His promises~ it is my place of rest.

And He is in the process of making me more like Him, even after days when I am so unlike Him. He is unfailing, and I am not. I tell Him my weaknesses, I seek forgiveness, and I know that He keeps me securely. 

If I could write a song (and if I could sing it!) I think it would be something like this: "Hiding Place" by Sara Groves. 

Some of my favorite Psalms to meditate on this morning...

"But I call to God, and the Lord will save me.
Evening and morning and at noon I utter my complaint and moan, 
and he hears my voice.
He redeems my soul in safety from the battle that I wage..."
Ps. 55: 16-18

"Cast your burdens on the Lord, and he will sustain you;
He will never permit the righteous to be moved."
Ps. 55: 22

"You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in your bottle.
Are they not in your book?

This I know, that God is for me."
Ps. 56

"Be merciful to me, O God, be merciful to me,
for in you my soul takes refuge;
in the shadow of your wings I will take refuge;
till the storms of destruction pass by.
I cry out to the God Most High,
to God who fulfills his purpose for me."
Ps. 57: 1-2


1 comment:

  1. this was us a year ago... the entire family gutting a house so we could move in. the days were crazy. i recall all of us feeling ragged. we do however look back on a year ago though and smile on all that was accomplished TOGETHER. may God continue to give comfort to your soul and provide for you and your family during this time of transition.


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