Something is better than nothing

Unimpressed I scan over my blog and think, "Wow. That's it?"

It's not really what I had intended it to be. It was suppose to record more of our life, more of my thoughts during this journey; I was suppose to be less inhibited by what people might think and how I might be misinterpreted.

It's not that I even wanted to blog every time we did something fun together, or every time there was a sweet moment, or a thought process worth recording. Without trying that approach I knew I'd quickly fall behind and I don't want to impose that sort of pressure on myself. I actually set a pretty narrow scope for myself. I rarely include many pictures of (or thoughts regarding) events and situations that include friends, extended family, or church. I have my reasons for this, but mostly because I want this blog to be a simple record of my years as a wife to Jon and mother to my children. Simple, personal, and uniquely mine.

Yet I look over what I've posted thus far and feel sort of discouraged. So many amazing moments are left at risk of being forgotten because I didn't write them down. This blog represents such a tiny part of my life; so little is recorded and I'm afraid I won't really remember what it was like. Will I remember how hard these days can be, and yet how wonderful my life is amidst it all? Will I remember well enough to be compassionate to my daughter and daughter-in-laws when they are where I'm at now? Will I remember well enough to sincerely speak words of encouragement to them and to other young ladies? Will I accurately remember these years which are so precious to me? Will my pictures and words cause me to recall people and moments and feelings like I actually experienced them?

Am I documenting God's faithfulness to us?

Often times I've hesitated. I've been accused of making my life seem too perfect and of portraying myself in a way that is discouraging to others. It has been assumed that I am not involved in or don't care about certain things because I don't write about them. Actually, much has been incorrectly assumed. Even thought I don't think people intend any harm or discouragement (because I will choose to think the best!), little comments can be enough to make me second guess my decisions or wonder what so-and-so will think if I post on a certain topic.

I guess in some ways I was prepared for that when I started this blog, and prepared to grow a little because of it. The truth is we all assume things based on what is knowable to us; it's the easiest way for us to package our thoughts. I hope this experience is teaching me to be more cautious with my own assumptions, and more confident in what I know to be true of my self.

Yet my skin is pretty thin, and so I don't always record what I want to remember. Of course I could set this blog to private (and some ask why I don't), but for now I see benefits to keeping it public. I think it's part of my personal learning curve-- learning to be who God made me to be regardless of the consequence, and learning to be vulnerable enough to be humbled in unexpected ways.

And so I will continue to document-- hopefully more often, and hopefully with fewer inhibitions. Either way, whether or not I am able to post more often, what I've got going is better than nothing. As much as I desire to bless others in the process, sometimes I will write just for me, for my family, or for the old lady I'll some day be who needs to remember the good old days.

~~

So because something is better than nothing....

Here are some pictures from a pretty awesome day I never blogged about last summer, partly because of the extreme business I found myself in and because of some worries I had at the time. No more worries.

We were vacationing in Cape Cod with Jon's family. For one day Jon, Michael, Olivia, and I took off to Martha's Vineyard. We rented some bikes for the afternoon and peddled for 10 miles along the beautiful shore on this most beautiful day. I'd say the whole day stands as one of my all time favorite summer memories.

The weather was perfect, the company delightful, and location exquisite. We did whatever we wanted to do. Ice cream? Sure! A walk around Edgartown? Of course!

I found myself grinning numerous times as I took the rear behind Jon and my kids, even though no one could see me. All of my senses were tuned in as I tried to let it all burn into my memory. On the way back along the shore, when we needed a small break, we parked our bikes against a sand dune and cooled down in the clear sea.

The ferry ride back to the Cape was cool and relaxing, and I savored the moment as a huddled against Jon to keep warm. Michael sat at the very front to see without obstruction...

Then, arriving later than we had intended, we joined the rest of the family for pizza and some open air dancing. A perfect day.

~Katherine