He loves me with an everlasting love

I sit here with my computer on my lap and my legs soaking up some sun. My kids are playing in front of me, quiet mostly because everyone is spent from a busy Sunday. Actually they are a little more sensitive and a little less patient than I would like them to be right now. I guess that's how it is when we're tired and there's not enough on the list of expectations for the day to keep everyone focused.

It makes me think about what I want the summer to look like. Although it will pass by quickly with the various trips we have planned for the summer months, I want to make sure our home days are constructive. I've noticed that when there is not an objective for the day, when everyone gets to lounge around indefinitely, seeking their own pleasure and happiness, attitudes turn sour and selfishness infects everyone. This is not good, and ultimately the blame for such an atmosphere falls on us, the parents. Mostly it will be my responsibility to make sure that constructive activities along with play and relaxation are carried out with the objectives of developing character, team work, and deepening relationships.

Really, my heart longs for them to know and love Christ, and to be motivated to love others selflessly. Lord, give me the strength to love them selflessly and to point them to you. Cause me to know and love You more.

This past Saturday I spent something like five hours pruning rose bushes and a few other shrubs. It was a pretty day to spend outside, and the pruning had been long overdue. Jon was with the kids at the pool, working and studying while the kids played happily together. I worked steadily, stopping only to fix and deliver lunches and snacks. At first I felt a little antisocial because I really didn't care to join in the fun, but occasional solitude is necessary for my well-being and I haven't been permitting myself much time recently.  I need time to process, to think and pray.

(Continuing on from this afternoon...)

The truth is that I've been feeling spiritually sluggish, dull, distant. Yet I find comfort in the knowledge that this is just a feeling, and that my heavenly Father's love for me is constant and never based on feelings. Feelings are subjective, and for someone like me, they can be quite fickle. My feelings can change based on my circumstances, how someone treated me, the weather, the time of the month, hunger, fatigue, and a multitude of other factors. They are never a good measure of reality and cannot be trusted.

I am to THINK rightly. What is right is objective, and not subject to change. When I am disciplined to think rightly, my feelings can be brought into subjection to what is right. If I am not disciplined to think rightly, then my feelings will control me and eventually lead me down a futile and sinful path. I have seen this lived out, and I don't recommend it! My feelings, or emotions, are under the curse and they should not be trusted as right.

The Bible tells me this: "Whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell [or think] on these things." (Phil. 4:8)

This will take self-discipline. It requires me to know what is true, honorable, right, pure, lovely, of good repute, excellent, and worthy of praise. This I can find in God's Word, and with the wisdom that comes from fearing Him. Then when my thinking is right, my perspective -- my feelings about this and that -- will be redirected. My feelings are not outside of God's sanctifying power.

So when I feel distant and when God seems to be silent, I can live by faith knowing that He holds me close, that He hears, and that He cares. I can repent of my sluggishness and my lack of worship. He is faithful regardless of how I feel.

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Today we celebrated Andrew's half birthday. That's right, we celebrate half birthdays 'round here. It started several years ago when I realized just how important it is to little kids to say their age "and a half". Anything for a little fun; to make my kids look back to their childhood with happy memories. It's a chance for me to make each of my kids feel special. Real birthdays, after all, only come once a year.

We don't do anything elaborate, and the specifics vary. One thing is constant: The half-birthday child chooses a dessert (usually not cake) and we sing "Happy Half-Birthday" and they blow out candles. For Andrew it was six candles plus one half the length of the others. And the special child gets a small gift, eats off the special plate, and gets an extra measure of loving.

Goofy? Maybe, but my kids love it. It's an easy way for me to make happy memories.

Here's a fun picture of my six-and-a-half year old boy taken this weekend at one of our favorite family restaurants:

~Katherine

Together, part 2

Today was a nearly no make-up day for me. This is unusual enough that I feel I can blog about it! It's not that I wear a whole lot of make-up, in fact I hardly know anything about it and how best to apply it, but I do prefer to spend the day with a little something on. I've always been a firm believer that just because I'm a homemaker, I shouldn't become lazy about my appearance. It's simply not fair to my husband, particularly in the culture we live in. And here, in this crazy town where appearances are everything, the importance of looking decent is probably more important. Everywhere men go, there are stunning women. I don't want my husband to come home to a disheveled, frumpy, worn out disaster of a lady. 

Not only that, but I have read that homemakers who wear shoes tend to be more productive! Well, I'm personally more of a barefoot-in-the-house kind of girl, but I think dressing reasonably well and giving some thought to hair and make-up each day does contribute to the feeling of productivity. Laziness in one area contributes to laziness in other areas. When I feel ready to go, I'm more likely to plow forward with the day. 

Today, however, I woke up feeling yucky and tired. I pulled back my clean hair in a low bun and left my face naked except for a little coverage and a healthy looking cheek color. By the time I was setting the table for dinner, I past by a mirror and realized I need a little help! Some dangly earrings and some mascara did the trick.

This may be a strong and offensive statement, but I think many women put their marriage in a risky place when they fail to take care of the way they look. 

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Here are the pictures of our dinner by the fire pit and front yard wrestling match from Tuesday night.

I brought out the bag of peanuts which was a huge hit for some strange reason...

Jacob has been wearing a pedometer someone gave him and he was curious to know how many steps he had taken. Not that numbers greater than 20 mean anything to him...

Michael loves to poke around the fire and light the end of his little stick. More often than not, I find the front of his hair singed after he's been around a fire.

After dinner, Michael and I stayed by the fire while Jon and the others ventured off to the front yard. We watched the pine cones burn until we noticed Jacob flying through the air. The games had begun...

Then the wrestling matches began...

Jack looks so small to me in this picture. His size never keeps him from playing with the big boys!

No matter how many times he gets hurt, he still walks away thinking he is invincible.

He needed to check his pedometer a few times, and each time one of his brothers took advantage of Jon being distracted. They forget that Jon practically has eyes behind his head. Just look at Andrew's expression!

Pure boyhood happiness...

By the time the boys had exhausted themselves, Olivia thought it safe to somehow join in.

Jon recently read this passage to our children, and I pray that this little family would be ever mindful of it:

"Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. For if either of them falls, the other will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up. Furthermore, if two lie down together they keep warm, but how can one be warm alone? And if one can overpower him who is alone, two can resist him. A cord of three strands is not quickly torn apart." 

Ecclesiastes 4: 9-12

~Katherine

Together

I haven't had much time for blogging, which is fine by me because my time is always better spent being with and serving my family. Last week Jon was overseas - thankfully for only a few days - so each of the kids had a turn sleeping over with me. They each looked forward to their turn, and it made me happy to get some individual time. It was funny to see how they are so different even in their sleep. Some like to sleep sideways, others like to mumble, some sleep straight and motionless, and one seemed to prefer my stomach for a pillow. I am trying no to take the pillow part personally.

Jon and I have had such a great time together since he has come back. I've enjoyed his companionship, our late night conversations, reconnecting after several weeks of hard work and mental preoccupation. A few nights ago we talked about all the unlikely ways we compliment each other, and the fact that in the face of change or hardship or misjudgments, we are just fine knowing that there is no else that can truly understand us besides each other. I have confidence in our partnership and I'm so thankful that we are on this journey together. He is my truest friend.

We've also had a great time as a family over the last several days. Every day has brought something special, not necessarily in extravagance, but in the simple enjoyment of being together. Saturday was a work day which ended with some time at the pool, but the kids kept mentioning how happy they were. I don't take for granted that we all like being together, and that simplicity is appreciated. Since we are just about finished up school for the year, I asked my kids if they wanted to do something special. I gave them a few ideas, but they simply asked if we could go to the park and eat peanuts! They make it too easy. I think I can come up with something they will be thrilled about.

Last night we ate around the fire pit, and once again we stayed up way too late. Summer is just so near it's hard to restrain ourselves. I wanted to add a few pictures to this post, but since Photobucket isn't working for me tonight I'll have to catch up some other time. Nonetheless, the evening was so fun. It's such a treat when Jon is unexpectedly free. (Ha! I should say that he makes himself free. Pastors don't exactly have a nine-to-five type job.)

This was the last night for Cubbies, and next week the rest of Awana will end. I'm bummed because it marks the end of a short, yet regular, time for Jon and I to spend together without our kidlets. Most of the time we would take off to run errands together, other times for coffee and dessert. We would always drop the kids off as early as we could, and returned at the very last minute to pick them up. That's what desperate parents have to do when grandparents or aunts and uncles are thousands of miles away! Anyway, I don't have any pictures of the awards night for Jacob because I generally don't prefer to take pictures of such events. I don't know what it is about it, but I'd probably never look at them again. I asked Jacob if he would like me to take some pictures (with my phone) but he said no because they would be dorky pictures. Of course, I do love the fact that they have all memorized a whole bunch of verses this year... and not because they think the awards and pins and badges are super cool.

"Hear, O Lord, when I cry with my voice,

And be gracious to me and answer me.

When You said, "Seek My face," 

my heart said to You,

"Your face, O Lord, I shall seek."

Do not hide Your face from me,

Do not turn Your servant away in anger;

You have been my help;

Do not abandon me nor forsake me,

O God of my salvation!"

Psalm 27: 7-9

~Katherine

Laundry and finger smashing

This morning I woke up to the usual Monday morning laundry pile. I think millions of moms wake up to the same pile all across North America, so I know I'm in good company. I also know that I have it easy compared to many women. In the past, I have done laundry in all sorts of places - from hand washing in a lake, hang drying on a clothes line, laundro-mats, campus laundry, apartment building laundry rooms, garage laundry, closet laundry area, and now larger closet laundry area. My current little area is adjacent to the kitchen and I find it so convenient.

I've been telling my kids that you can't know anything for sure by appearances only. You can't believe everything you hear. And just because something is in print doesn't mean it is true, even if it claims to be true.

So you would be wrong to think my laundry room is neat and tidy. 

From inside the closet across the hall where I stood to take this picture, there was a lot more to the story that I didn't capture. Judging from the picture above, you can't know that the floor is so rotted from water and termite damage that the washer is beginning to fall through. You don't know that both machines are running, or that there's a lovely pile of clothes in front of the machines waiting to be dealt with. You can't hear my kids asking for breakfast, confused as to why I'm taking pictures of laundry.

I don't mind doing laundry even if I am always amazed by how much I have each week. And this is only some of it...

Someday, when I don't have nearly as much clothes to wash, I think I will be glad I took these grainy, poorly lit pictures because laundry is such a regular and normal part of my weeks. I'm glad we have the clothes we need and healthy children who have places to get them dirty. And for dollar bills to pay off any kid who wants to help fold.

On the other hand, I wonder why there's so much to wash when this is how some prefer to dress...

...or why I should even bother washing clothes that they're only going to wear out next week?

Enough about laundry.

Today I found Jacob in the bathroom breaking off little strips of toilet paper, and throwing them into the trash. I mentioned not being wasteful, that toilet paper costs money, etc. He said, "Well, don't worry because when I'm a grown up and you are old and don't have money, I will buy you toilet paper. When I'm a grown up, I'll have something like one hundred cents."

Phew... That's one less worry for me! 

Andrew had a little accident this weekend, and I am so encouraged by his maturity and toughness when it comes to pain and inconvenience. Saturday afternoon he and his brothers were playing in the dirt with Jon's hammers. They like to hammer little sticks and nails into the dirt, or break up rock to discover sparkling crystals. Michael was using the back of the hammer, the claw part that pulls out nails, to dig into the dirt. Andrew was beside him and pointed to something where Michael was digging just as the hammer came down. 

Oh, the blood! I'm so glad Jon was with us that afternoon because he does much better than I with gushing blood. I did my part of running away to get a clean, cold cloth to compress the wound, while Jon carried Andrew closer to the house. There was an entrance and an exit wound. Once the blood was nearly stopped, and Michael was reassured that it was not his fault, I took Andrew to Urgent Care. 

Andrew was such a trooper. He remembered that we were in the same exam room Jacob was in when he had to get an apple seed removed form his ear. He giggled the whole time while the doctor pocked and prodded for debris, irrigated both sides of his finger, stuffed some tissue back in, and then glued it shut. Only once did he look at me with a serious, exasperated expression and said, "Can we just get this over with?"

The claw amazingly left his bone uninjured. It's hard to even imagine how it cleared his finger with the bone in its path. The Lord was good.

When we were leaving, there was a fire truck and an ambulance outside the doors. Next to the ambulance stood a mother with a little girl in her arms and a little boy by her side. My chest tightened and Andrew drew near to me. That was me a couple years ago, standing outside the ER waiting for Jon and Andrew to be pulled out of the ambulance. Her situation was different in that there was only one paramedic casually assisting, versus a whole slew of medics surrounding the stretchers my guys were in. There were no sirens or puddles of blood; probably no police officers on their way to question her. Still, I felt for her as I clutched my Andrew's little hand and led him past, thankful for his life and limbs yet again.

Yes, the Lord was good.

Then when we went to the drug store to pick up a prescription for an antibiotic, I told him he could pick out a treat. He sweetly asked if he could get one for everybody.

The last two mornings I have called on someone else to make his bed for him, but each time it was already done. He walks around with his hand up, his arm bent at the elbow, but he doesn't complain. He reminds me to give him his medicine like clockwork. 

He is so excited to know that he will probably get a scar, and informed his brothers that he has the most scars. At a birthday party this afternoon, he thought it was cool that all the dads were interested in his finger.

These were taken today. The glue forms a seal, so no bandage is required. 

Entrance wound:

Exit wounds- 

Its hard to tell, but there are two wounds sites, the bigger one being the place where the tissue was protruding. The glue reflects the light, making it look smaller than it actually is.

And maybe this is morbid, but here's the hammer!

"I shall remember the deeds of the Lord;

Surely I will remember Your wonders of old.

I will meditate on all Your work

And muse on all your deeds."

Ps. 77: 11-12

~Katherine

Thoughts on busyness and prayer

I’ve had two opportunities to post a little something this week, but each time Blogger has been down for maintenance. So this is being written Thursday night in a word document, and I’ll post it when blogger’s up and running again, or when I have an opportunity.

There’s lots I could write it seems, as this week has been full and there’s lots I’m thinking about and working through. It seems that the harder times are the times we learn the most. Not that this week has been super difficult on a scale of 1 to 10, but difficult in terms of the things I need to process, and in sharing the burden of others.

There were lots of memorable things as well, especially little things the boys said that I thought were funny. For instance, moments after the children presented me with their little gifts on Mother’s Day, their questions turned to, “So whose do you like the most?” and, “Are you going to wear mine to church?” (I couldn’t possible wear all the necklaces at once!) Andrew looked at the pendant he picked out for me and sheepishly said, “I think this is really cool. Um, do you think I could just keep it?” Then during lunch, Jacob got out of his chair to give me the sweetest hug. Looking straight at me he said, “Happy Muhver’s Day... (insert pause)... Um, like, you know how we gave you gifts? Well are you going to give us gifts too?”

Tomorrow night there will be a wedding reception on our street. We live on a private cul-de-sac, and this type of thing is not really unusual here. There are always events and gatherings taking place, and even film crews use the houses and yards for movies and TV show sets. However, a wedding reception on our street and front lawn will be the first for us since we moved here nearly two years ago. The kids are super excited. Andrew is especially going beyond what I would expect of him. He asked me if we were going to be on the news! Then, in all seriousness at the dinner table last night, he thanked God for the food and for the day, then asked God to, “‘Pwease’ help me find someone to dance with at the wedding.” 

We will see.

On Tuesday I took pictures of Michael because his smile and facial structure will be changing due to braces and various orthodontal contraptions. It’s good-bye to my little bulldog. 

I’m going to miss that smile and pouty lower lip that comes when he is deep in thought. He’s had the cutest underbite ever since his teeth came in as a baby, but we are aware that as he gets older this will become problematic for him. 

Wednesday he was fitted with an expander on the roof of his mouth. I’ll cranking it twice a day to expend the top back teeth, and he will get braces in a month. It’s uncomfortable and awkward for him, poor guy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jon read Micah 6:8 on Sunday and it has stayed with me all week:

“He has told you, O man, what is good;
  and what does the LORD require of you
 but to do justice, and to love kindness,
  and to walk humbly with your God?”

I’ve thought of these words from so many perspectives this week, and I have prayed that our lives would be marked by doing justice, loving kindness, and walking humbly with our God. It was the perfect verse for us this week. I want righteousness, a life that glorifies God no matter what the cost. 

There will always be risk, and therefore temptation to compromise. Maybe it is loss of friends, reputation, money, work. Maybe living out what is right leads to others misinterpreting motives; often doing what is right is counter-cultural and weird. Often there are undesirable stereotypes attached. 

I want to keep my eyes on the goal. This week I have felt like the needed position is with a wide stance, center of gravity lowered, head down, and plowing forward full force. There may be bumps, even falls, but there must be a determination and a refusal to give up.

And that’s how I want to pray too. The more I get into the realities of life, the more I realize that prayer is an absolute necessity.  I want to come boldly, and to pray fervently and relentlessly, knowing that our God is power. There is too much at stake.

And though prayer is exhausting at times - as we unload our burden and plea for help and wisdom, souls saved - it is not always so. Prayer has been a sweetness in my week as well, like refreshment to a worn out soul.

I had an encouraging conversation with an older lady this week, and the Lord used her to reinforce truths and convictions that were directly applicable to me. I came away with so many nuggets of truth for wise living, and encouraged to do what I know the Lord has called and enabled me to do, regardless of what others may expect or require of me. 

We also discussed the busyness that is characteristic of life in the modern day church, and how, if one could imagine, family and church life would be different if activities, programs, ministries, etc. were pared down to the very basics. What if each family stepped back from the crazy demands that come with too much involvement and really focused on the spiritual health of those in their household, and then extend care to others in a less formal way? I would imagine we would have healthier families, and therefore healthier churches. 

Today, I was able to sneak a little time to read during Olivia’s lesson, and providentially  this is what I read:

“Modern Christians tend to make busyness their religion. We admire and imitate, and so become, Christian workaholics, supposing that the busiest believers are always the best. Those who love the Lord will indeed be busy for him, no doubt about that; but the spirit of our busyness is constantly wrong. We run round doing things for God and leave ourselves no time for prayer... But we do not feel the need to pray, because we have grown self-confident and self-reliant in our work. We take for granted that our skills and resources and the fine quality or our programs will of themselves bring forth fruit; we have forgotten that apart from Christ - Christ trusted, obeyed, looked to, relied on - we can achieve nothing (see John 15:5)... But activism [busyness] is not holiness, nor is it the fruit of holiness, and the activist’s preoccupation with his own plans and schemes and know-how tends to keep him from either seeking holiness or increasing in it...

“...For self-reliant busyness, so far from being a form or expression of holiness, is actually a negation of it and a distraction from it.”

(Keep in Step with the Spirit, p. 98, 99)

Obviously there are different seasons of life and the busyness of each season is vastly different, but I think we need to carefully consider what we are so busy with. I want to make sure my busyness is not at the expense of the one basic thing: My relationship with God. And if that relationship is real, alive and healthy, the next most important things will fall into place more naturally.

I know my thoughts are still fragmented, but somehow it will begin to make sense. I pray that I would search and desire clarity so that I can apply what the Lord is teaching me.

The lyrics to Bebo Norman’s song “I Will Lift My Eyes” have been helpful in redirecting my thoughts this week as I drive around in my busyness. These words in particular:

God, my God, I cry out


Your beloved needs You now


God, be near, calm my fear


And take my doubt



Your kindness is what pulls me up


Your love is all that draws me in



I will lift my eyes to the Maker


Of the mountains I can't climb


I will lift my eyes to the Calmer


Of the oceans raging wild


I will lift my eyes to the Healer


Of the hurt I hold inside


I will lift my eyes, lift my eyes 

To You

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Olivia's summer freckles are coming through... Beautiful girlhood!

And here's what the boys looked like when I called them in for dinner. They can make me laugh so hard, even if I do want to cry at the same time! Do you realize the scrubbing they needed? I told Michael I needed to scrub the top layer of his skin off before he was clean.

Happy weekend everyone!

~Katherine

Snapshots of another week gone by

Another week ends. Like the turning pages of good book, the weeks go by all too quickly. If only the days were longer, with more time to savor the details. And more time to sleep. This last one was full, with work and play mingled together.

We had hot summer days at the park with friends, SAT testing, carpooling, lessons, dentist appointments, haircuts, housework, gardening... Fun days, and long days. School is grueling because the end is so near.

It's not always my natural tendency to stop what I'm doing to just play - I tend to be a goal oriented person - but I enjoyed taking a break to watch the kids and to join in their play. I know that in the years to come I'll remember these times more than the mundane of housekeeping.

In an area where back yards with climbing trees are rare, I am so thankful for the trees and bushes my children climb and hide in. This is our best climbing tree by far, and Michael just taught Olivia how to climb the trunk to reach the first branch. They dream of playing in a real forest!

Andrew and Jack usually play on the swing or catch bugs, generally hanging around the older two.

Olivia continues to enjoy riding. This week she rode Darby because he is stubborn and Olivia needs practice taking command of her horse. She learned how to use a whip and she looked amazingly poised in the arena amidst the other riders.

The boys are patient each week, but I must admit it's not always easy having them in tow. They must refrain from running and jumping, or making loud noises, because a horse could get spooked. But the boys forget. They don't naturally just walk. And when a peacock comes sauntering by, they want to catch it. Or they take off chasing lizards along the outside of the arena where the horses are not accustomed to seeing movement. 

In addition, there are several special needs children and adults who ride or visit the horses. I'm glad my kids get to interact with different types of people, but this week one of these adults began chasing them to play. The little boys began to scream, half in fun and half in terror, as this individual ran after them with arms waving and making unusual sounds. It's difficult enough under normal circumstances to keep my guys calm...

(I'm sure Michael holds the record for wearing out his pants!)

Finally we were able to tactfully excuse ourselves form that situation and sit on the deck to watch Olivia ride.

Today the boys rediscovered their remote control cars, so I had their cars underfoot all afternoon. They also discovered how to test battery power by sticking their tongues on the end of batteries. Later, the kids played restaurant and Andrew wore a pink apron, only he didn't know it was pink because he is color blind like other guys in my family.

I make no apologies for the number of pictures because this is for me, this mommy who wants to remember! It was so cute to watch Jacob learn to use a knife to cut his food tonight. I love his expressions... and how affectionate he has been to me this week.

Today Olivia is reading and hanging out inside. She doesn't mind being scraped up and having dirt under her nails and smeared on her face, but there are days when she just wants to wear a dress and have her hair done pretty. Later we'll probably bake and she'll want to practice speaking in French.

Tomorrow is Mother's Day: I always have to keep a sense of humor about me as I hear my kids plan, or forget to plan. The other day, as we were leaving the reception area after an appointment, the receptionist wished me a happy Mother's Day. While we were walking back to the car I could hear some panicked whispering between Michael and Olivia. That afternoon they took out some craft supplies, but I think they got side tracked on their own projects. I do know I have a macaroni necklace coming my way, and this morning Jack presented me some rose petals and a couple rocks.

Then he asked if he could borrow the rock till tomorrow so he could finish his game with Andrew.

Thinking back to my first Mother's Day, it was entirely laughable... Except I wasn't laughing. Olivia was just over a month old so I was still in the phase of surviving a long Sunday morning (sometimes I still am!). She had colic, nursing was hard, and I was in a daze. We were strapped for cash, and so we decided to combine going out for lunch with ministry. There we were, in a dumpy, crowed restaurant with a bunch of college guys. When my sandwich came, the side of the bread was covered in blackish green mold! Jon, of course, called the waitress back and asked if she had not noticed the mold when she served it. She answered that she had seen it and was annoyed that we returned it! I don't remember much else, except that my appetite was gone and I was feeling sorry for myself.

I think Jon has some better plans this year.

I miss my own mother. If I remember correctly, I haven't been with her on Mother's Day in 14 years. I'd like to think I'd make it pretty special for her. In so many ways she sacrificed for me during my childhood years. She did so in ways that were more difficult than I will ever understand. Merci, Maman!


~Katherine