Tuesday night musings

It's been a fun day of getting back on track with the regular duties of life. I say fun, but what I really mean is that the day went smoothly. Sometimes boring-type days are just the right thing, and I'm thankful for less of last week's drama.

But boring around here just means regular. If I force myself to stop and take in what's going on around me despite the mundane-ness of it all, it can be quite amusing. For instance, tonight as I continued in my quest to train helpful, thoughtful, and able boys, I randomly selected Michael to help me with the dinner dishes. Pretty soon Jacob volunteered to join us and the two of them began playing all sorts of games as they dried dishes. It started with a fencing match: the slotted spoon for Michael and a ladle for Jacob. Then the pot lid became a shield, and a colander was used as a helmet. Once I got them back on track, they needed constant instruction on how to dry dishes. Jacob needed reminders that it's not by laying the towel on the floor and wrapping the dish like a present, and Michael kept forgetting that the goal was a dry dish. Their drying duties ended with laughter as they made funny, distorted faces in the reflection of the stock pot. When they ran off, I looked around at the puddles on the floor and remembered that there's a long-term goal. All moms know that it's sometimes more work to have your kids help, but not all moms realize that with the right attitude it can be more fun to include them.

Later Jacob came down and did his Underwear Man Show for us. Best show in town, let me tell you!

I read some fun quotes today by a lady named Marjorie Pay Hinckley:

“The only way to get through life is to laugh your way through it. You either have to laugh or cry. I prefer to laugh. Crying gives me a headache.” 

“We women have a lot to learn about simplifying our lives. We have to decide what is important and then move along at a pace that is comfortable for us. We have to develop the maturity to stop trying to prove something. We have to learn to be content with what we are.” 

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I took a bunch of pictures on Olivia's last day of riding lessons before we moved. There are a few, but I wanted to post them before too much time past.

It was so cool to see how much she learned in one year of lessons, and how independent she had become. 

She loved to ride Pumpkin, and especially liked how he nuzzled in close to her when she groomed him. Each horse that she rode had a unique personality, and she learned how to control even the most stubborn horse, and how to remain calm on a horse which was easily spooked. It takes confidence to be in charge of such a huge beast, and I am very proud of my sometimes timid girly.

She has become quite knowledgeable and confident, and has developed into a daring and poised rider. I just loved watching her. Her instructors were always amazed at how eager she was to push herself and try new things. She always wanted to go higher and faster, and somehow managed to stay on the horse when she lost control.

She's such a feminine girl, well balanced with industry, courage, and intelligence. I admire her so much!

~Katherine

No Super Woman

It sounded like spring this week. I've been stopped in my tracks more than once by the familiar tune of a Robin singing somewhere not too far from my window. Their song brings sweet memories of my childhood when Robins would grace us with their song from springtime till the beginning of school. Though not vocally gifted as the Robin, I was also surprised to hear the squawk of a Red Wing Black Bird above my head as I returned my Target shopping cart the other day. They were always the first birds to arrive just as the last bit of snow melted, and the promise of life always thrilled me.  I guess they are on their way just a little further south of here to winter.

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This week the kids amused themselves with the empty boxes on our back patio area. It looks a little like a homeless alley out there, and Michael even said he was practicing to be a hobo.

As I prepared dinner and watched them from the kitchen window, struggling when the cardboard walls collapsed, I thought of what it means to build a house. Well, not an actual house, but a life. My kids had these grand ideas of building forts with rooms and tunnels, but all too often they were faced with the reality of their limitations. If they didn't plan well, if their hopes and dreams were beyond their abilities and resources, their fort would cave in on them. Sometimes they gave up and sometimes they tried again.

And that's how it is in real life. Sometimes I need to decide between facing reality and giving up, or going back to planning, building and perfecting, and to JUST NOT GIVING UP. I write that with a little shouting going on inside because that's sort of my default: I figure I need to pray more, plan more, work harder, and            more, but never give up something that was important.

I have felt discouraged this week. I look around and I see amazing women. From my perspective, which I know is limited, they seem like superpower women.

I wish I could do it all. More specifically, I wish I could do it all and do it well. I envision myself being more of a super woman, when reality is far from that. So, so far from that.

I've come to a point where I have to admit my limitations, my weakness, and my repeated failed attempts. There are some things that are just not meant for me and I have to give up, no matter how discouraging it is to me personally. But it's not all about me. In order to build something better I have to find a better way. My personal resources, my reality, is not sufficient. I must give up and seek a different way.

I know this is vague, but in the midst of facing failure and discouragement this week, I have fallen prey to the devil's lie that I am not good enough, I'm not doing enough, and that everyone is disappointed in me. I've believed those lies and I've spent some very miserable days. Oh, my heart is so quick to fall prey and to forget the truth that can set me free! How quick I am to forget that I am loved and accepted by the God of the universe! What else should even matter?

Jon tells me that I expect too much of myself, and I am well aware that I care way too much about what others expect of me. In fact, I even care about what I think others expect of me. Yes, people pleasing and the fear of man at its best. In my introspection yesterday, questioning why it is that I care so much about someone else's expectations or perceived expectations, it dawned on me that I think others think the way I do. (How's that for confusing?!) In other words, I assume people think like me. Could it be that I expect too much of others? Could it be that I am too critical and quick to jump to conclusions regarding what other people do and how well they do it? Could it be that I am very judgmental?

The passage I recently read to the kids as we're making our way through the book of Matthew quickly came to mind. It says, "Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you" (Matt. 7:1-2).

Wow, I have been put in my place. My judgment of others, judgment that I cannot live up, has come back to bite me.

I'm glad to be on this end of the week, and thankful for God's revealing work in my life. I've got a long way to go in the people pleasing department, but once again there is before me the opportunity to seek His will, to strive for His pleasure, and to become confident knowing that what He thinks of me is all that matters.

(Jacob learning place value in math. He tell me he likes math, but not "letters".)

"The wisest of women builds her house,
but folly with her own hands tears it down." Prov. 14:1


~Katherine

Setting up house

The temps were in the mid 90's today, which is supposedly unusual for this area. The afternoon sea breeze is normally enough to cool us down, but it's still feeling really toasty tonight. We don't have AC, and the chocolate I'm munching on was already melted when I opened the package. It's a specialty Swiss treat Jon brought back from Hong Kong. Go figure.

Our life is beginning to take shape here. The work at our new church has begun, familiarity is at least in the realm of probability, happy surprises are around every corner, and we keep pinching ourselves because we can't believe how blessed we are!

A couple nights ago we ventured out to the ocean again to see the Red Tide. Amazing! It was like watching the Northern Lights in the waves. The water turns a bright, sparkly, almost neon blue when the waves break in the darkness of the night. It was God's handiwork on display, and a reminder to me that there's so much beauty in His creation that brings Him glory. In fact, this week we learned that even the stars emit sound waves that our ears cannot hear. They are singing His praises!

(Jack found this leaf with a perfect insect-made letter J. He carried it with him all afternoon.)

(J for Jack)

The work of unpacking is mostly completed, but I've simplified the process by storing boxes of things we can live without in the garage. The house that we are in is a temporary place to stay until we can find the right long-term place. It has less usable space than our previous house, and there is no way I could unpack all the special dishes and serving pieces, extra linens, and decorative items. Plus I want to avoid the extra work in repacking it all up again. Moving is almost like morning sickness-- you forget just how bad it is until you're in the middle of it again!

But this house, along with the undetermined length of time we will be here, is causing me to think carefully about how to make it home-y. It's a delicate balance between creating a comfortable place to live that is pleasing to the eye, and being practical and financially reasonable. Who wants to invest a whole lot of time and resources in a place that's not yours, especially if it's (hopefully) short-term?

On the other hand, a home is a reflection of those who live there and it must be a lovely and enjoyable place for the inhabitants and their visitors. I feel compelled to create some sort of beauty around me. I remember reading about the Viking women who lived in their little homes and villages alone for months at a time while their seafaring men were away plundering and such. Life would have been hard for them as they took on the responsibilities of those men, and their work must have been relentless just to survive. Vikings were unrefined, yet even those women were compelled to have a few items solely for aesthetic reasons. They had little pendants, carved hair pins, and decorated utensils.

I think that surrounding ourselves with beauty, whether simple or elaborate, is part of who we are. Seeking out, appreciating, and creating beauty is part of the way God designed us. So during this time of waiting, of "making due", I cannot neglect the fact that this is where we live right now. We need to LIVE here. It's my job to create a lovely environment and atmosphere, all the while remembering the reality of our particular situation.

But this house! It's a typical rental house, complete with dirty oatmeal colored everything! The blah-ness is staggering! The space is awkwardly laid out, and I am being stretched creatively. It doesn't even help that creativity is not my strongest point!

While Jon was in China, I must have been half thinking out loud when I described to the kids how we were going to decorate. Whatever picture frame that had been tucked in between blankets and towels would be hung up (without the weeks of considering and over thinking to find the best spot), and little to no money would be spent on furniture that fit better than our current pieces. Michael said, "Oh, it's kind of like doodling. You just have to start and see where you end up."

So yes, we'll see where we end up. It's not going to be a masterpiece, but hopefully there will be a little more visual interest. Some frames have found their place on the wall, and I'm waiting for Jon to give me a hand with some heavier items.

The only essential item we did not have was a dining table because the previous house had a custom made table that we used. While Jon was in China we had a little 2 by 4 foot folding table to eat off of and for the kids to do their school work. One day, tired of the situation and without the internet to find a table on Craigslist, we hit several thrift stores around town. We found this...

It had three leaves, but I threw one out because it had really bad water damage. My kids helped me scrub it clean, and when the rain came that night they worked at sanding it in the garage despite limited space.

Then, in the spirit of "doodling", we went to Lowes to pick out a paint color. The whole project is not my normal style, but because we have a bunch of different shades of wood currently in the dining area (light colored armoire to house the printer and office supplies, multiple shades and shapes of chairs, and a black buffet), I didn't want to add another wood tone to the mix. Plus, the dining area is dark and dreary, so I thought some color would be fun to try.

I had the primer mixed into the paint to save time and money, and I bought a spray semi-gloss finish. From the beginning my goal was not to end up with a perfect table, and I was determined to enjoy the process. I viewed it as a chance to try something new, and if it didn't turn out we could just get rid of it when we leave. It was nice not to have any pressure.

Here's what it looks like now...

Since moving it into the house I have added the two leaves, so we all fit comfortably with room to spare. The whole project cost less than $100, including paint to pass on to a friend. Sure beats IKEA!

I'm pretty sure it won't be our dining table when we move, but I can see it being used as a drink or dessert table for an outdoor party. Or, just maybe, for a dinner under a tree with an old chandelier hung above, or some simple tea light in hanging Mason jars!

~Katherine