Retreat

I nearly titled this post "A Get-Away" but decided against it because it implies there was something I wanted to get away from. That is not at all the case.

Last night I had the pleasure of doing something I have wanted to do for a very long time: I spent the night at a hotel alone. This may sound like a strange thing to dream of to some, I know, but ever since my kids were little, when the days were long and I often felt depleted, I have dreamed of taking a little vacation somewhere by myself. It didn't matter where because all I needed was a quiet place away from distractions and constant needs. I have dreamed of a quiet extended time for myself just to recharge. The need was not to get away, or to take a break from something I didn't like, but to simply refocus.

When Michael and Olivia were invited to an out-of-town over-night birthday party, it seemed like the perfect opportunity. I could have stayed with friends-- and in a sense I felt a little guilty not taking the opportunity-- but the time alone would allow me to do much needed thinking, praying, and reading.

I am a wife, yes, and a mom. Full-time, everyday. I love it all, but I have sensed in my soul that I've needed a time to be quiet, to exhale, and then to breathe deeply. I've needed an extended time with the Lord, because, after all, I am not just a wife and a mom. More importantly, I am the daughter of the King.

So I packed an entire suitcase for just one night. I had just the necessary personal affects, loads of books, my Bible and a notebook. I was in such a hurry to check in that I nearly decided to forgo having dinner. However, since I'd already skipped lunch in the busyness of leaving some at home and taking others to a sleep-over, I decided I'd rather not interrupt my time if I got hungry later. I checked in at 7pm and wasn't even a little temped when the front desk girl told me about the pool, spa, and gym (well maybe a little temped about the idea of exercising). Then, all giddy inside because I felt so grown-up, I nearly ran to my room!

I brought my computer, but decided not even to turn it on because I could so easily get sucked in and end up wasting time. I was even prepared to stay up most of the night if I could have managed it!

It was grand. It was a time to be still, to read and pray, and listen. Exhale, inhale. Repeat.

And I recharged in other practical ways as well. I read on the subject of parenting, educating and stimulating my children's interests. I had my camera along with a manual that I looked at for a little while, more as a mental break from all the rest.

Once I couldn't fight my sleepiness any longer, and the lights were off, I opened the drapes to allow the sunlight in as soon the sun came up over the horizon. My alarm sounded at 5:30 and I got back to business till 8:30 when I checked out.

At home tonight, without really intending to, we kind of celebrated being back together. We had lamb and an array for fresh vegetables, candles and bubbly drinks for everyone.

I'm glad to be back.


~Katherine

Because they make me smile...

I can't look at this set of pictures without smiling!

The soldier-like pose: Still, not everyone is looking in the right direction.

My boys have the attention span of a gold fish...

They pretty much posed themselves for all these shots. I love the closeness I captured between Olivia and Andrew that day.

Whistling as he drives his lady around town...

Today has been rainy, with little bursts of sunshine this afternoon. We took most of the day off school yesterday because we had the opportunity to hang out in some of the most pretty places in California. Knowing that the next few days will bring rain, we went for it. Today, however, we're playing catch up on school and house work. It's been nice thought. At this point the work has been completed and everyone is relaxing in their own way, except for Jon who is studying. Some are fighting colds, so the energy level is lower than usual. The window is open next to me, and the smell of bread baking in the oven fills the air.

For me it has been a day full on wondering, dreaming, and hoping. Things that I have prayed about for so many years still remain unanswered as either a "yes" or a "no": no forward progress and no resolution. So I wait. At times I get impatient; today I am hopeful.

Either way, it is all in the Lord's timing and for that I am very grateful. He understands my thoughts, knows the desires of my heart, and has written all of my days in His book. I don't want to hold any of those things as my own possessions, and if He is pleased to grant me anything at all, He will do it in His own timing. For now He is pleased to have me wait.

My favorite out-takes...

~Katherine

Flexible Order

Families need order, kids thrive on routine and predictability, and proper home management requires planning and organization. At least I think so. That's because I fit in the so called type A personality group. I like order and a clean house. I like to plan and prepare as best I can, and I prefer to structure my days according to set goals. And of course I make lists of all kinds.

On the other hand, I am fully aware that my approach isn't necessarily best. I know that my attempt to make everything nearly perfect has at times resulted in a frustrating existence not only for myself, but for the precious people I live with. There needs to be room for real life and all the messes that comes with it. There will always be work to do, and waiting for the jobs to be entirely accomplished before allowing for the fun stuff in life is completely futile.

No one is going to remember whether or not my laundry was washed, ironed, and put away on time this week. The kids don't care if I've dusted the top of their armoire before I play with them. They won't look back and be thankful for all of the fun times they had watching me iron their shirts before the end of the day each Thursday.

No, it is more likely that they will remember me playing tag with them at the park, or taking them to the beach to test out their boomerangs, or making a quick stop to feed the ducks. They're more likely to remember a mom who allowed them to mess up the house and construct forts when they played "village" or "pirates".

I'm learning. Learning this kind of stuff goes against my grain sometimes. I get the big picture and I embrace the idea, but practically I have to make moment-by-moment conscious decisions to just relax! I want to be the kind of wife/mom/friend that can forget the master plan and focus on relationships and enjoying life. I want to spend a little more time spontaneously heading out the door with only my drivers license in my back pocket, car keys, and maybe my camera. There's a lot of fun living to be done out there. I don't want to miss out on this opportunity because it won't be quite as fun when my kids have moved out and my body is old.

I came across this passage this afternoon and loved it...

"Steadfast love and faithfulness meet;

 righteousness and peace kiss each other.

Faithfulness springs up from the ground, 

and righteousness looks down from the sky.

Yes, the Lord will give what is good, 

and our land will yield its increase.

Righteousness will go before him

and make his footsteps a way."

Psalm 85: 10-13 (ESV)

~Katherine

Fun, Sunny Day

Some days are simply too pretty to stay home, so when I can I like to find a place to take the kids on a field trip. The trouble is that nearly everyday is a pretty day!

Yesterday was especially grand because Jon was able to join us. Then, to top it all off, the kids were so tired from the day that the evening was entirely for Jon and me to enjoy together.

I only had my 50mm lens, so most of these are closer up than I'd like them to be...

Loved this needle point in the captain's cabin... "Peace, Be still"

~Katherine

Me and My Girl

I've slowly made my way through a book on mothers and daughters. I say slow because I have several books on the go, and more accurately, because reading puts me to sleep. It must be the anemia. Or a little brain. Still, it has been a helpful read because I'm always eager to refine my mothering approach, to think through issues more clearly, and to consider where I may have blind spots. I've read this book before, the first time when Olivia was maybe six, and at that time I felt like the task of parenting a daughter was so daunting.

And it is.

Yet as I made my way through this book a second time, grateful for all the reminders and encouragement, the information this time around is in accordance with where I stand and with what I believe. I think I get the concepts now.

Not that I have this mothering thing down-- Not in the least! The whole idea that I am responsible to teach and train and mold a person with an immortal soul is enough for me to throw up my hands and exclaim that it's a task far too great for me. But I think over time --as I learn what it means to walk in the Spirit, as I study God's Word, and observe and learn from godly women--  I have begun to believe that I am actually able to do this thing. Certainly not by my strength, but through the Power that is in me.

It's not always easy. I guess no relationship is always easy, and my relationship with my children is constantly in the process of change. How we relate to each other now is very different than when they were babies, and how we will relate to each other in another five and ten years will be very different from the present. Relationships can be hard, but especially so when you add the reality of parental responsibility.

A mother and daughter relationship is a precious thing. I pray for her, for me, for my example to her, for our friendship. I pray that she won't see my weaknesses and failures as reasons to resent my words, but that she and I together may recognize our great need for the Lord.

I am thankful for this sweet girl that is mine for a time. I am thankful for the women in my life, and women who have lived openly and allowed me to observe and learn. I am thankful for sound teaching. Thankful for God's promises and strength for each day, for His mercies that never end. I am thankful that He meets me where I am weakest.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'm holding down the fort a little more on my own this week because Jon has several late nights and out of town commitments. It's a full week, but not crazy. Things are back in full swing, I'm helping with an up-coming event at church, and we've got friends coming to visit. I've finally found a new orthodontist and dentist, so we've got some appointments lined up this week as well. I'm just glad I'm no longer driving 5 hours each time someone has to see the orthodontist.

Jon just sent me a text to say that he's on train headed home. I am sitting in a Starbucks while the kids are at Awana, in a corner seat with a hot latte. It's nice and so very rare. As much as I enjoy these moments, my thoughts always return back to Jon and the kids.

My life is so very blessed because of them.


~Katherine

It was a good year...

Everyone is napping this afternoon. We spent the evening with friends yesterday, and stayed much later than we had planned. Both families had agreed that we would ring in the  NY new year and get our kids to bed at a reasonable time. Instead we left near midnight when several kids had already fallen asleep, and made it home in time for our kids to clink glasses of Shirley Temples and give New Year good-night kisses.

~~~~~

After taking down Christmas decorations a few days ago, I took the kids to the park to play and for the boys to race their cars in the open lot. A few moments after getting settled into our games, this funny little boy appeared. He was alone, very dirty and was carrying a fresh rose behind his back. He played with my boys for several minutes until his cell phone rang and he walked away mumbling something about not being able to find his friend.

We've had some gorgeous days... not what you'd expect for winter or New Years. It looks like fall and feels like spring. Yesterday, New Years Eve day, we took the kids to the pool in the afternoon. My mom told me of their snowy, picturesque day in the Gatineau Hills, and I was content with my warm, breezy afternoon. This is a sure sign to me that this place is quickly becoming home to me. I don't feel that painful tugging at my heart to be back in the only other place I'd ever refer to as "home". Here is home to me. This is an answer to a prayer that at times I had little faith would ever be answered.

(Jack was not falling... this is his "trick")

(Never to be outdone by a boy, Olivia joining her brother high up in the tree.)

As I look back over 2011, the biggest event and change was our move away from L.A. Our transition here has gone so smoothly, our church has welcomed us so warmly, and we are still in amazement at fact that we are here. After a few short months, this is home. I fail in my ability to express my thankfulness for this, but the Lord knows my heart.

A new year will bring more change~ some that will be good, and some that may be painful. God is always the giver of good things, regardless of my interpretation. In it all, I pray that my heart will ever be in the process of becoming more Christ-like.


~Katherine