Christmas 2011

I've never sent out a Christmas card before. In fact, to the best of my recollection, these are our first non-candid family Christmas pictures ever! Consider this to be our Christmas card to you! Merry, merry, merry Christmas!

I've never wanted the pressure of having everyone dressed up, all matchy-matchy, trying to look perfect yet staring into the camera with a fake smile plastered on. My hat goes off to all the families who can successfully pull off family pictures each year! For us, this was somewhat unplanned... No new outfits, low expectations for perfection, and no pressure even for the whole family to participate.

After school one afternoon I grabbed the decorations the kids had made, a banner I made the evening before, my tripod, and a camera I am still unfamiliar with. I couldn't get the focus quite right! The clouds were heavy and the golden sunlight I was hoping for was non-existent. Still, that was better than glaring sun which results in grimacing faces. As I look at them now, I am glad to have these shots of us as the year comes to a close.

Candy... the secret to keeping them going!

A tiny pomegranate...

To my delight, Jon left work early to join us at this point!

~~~~~~~~~~

Christmas. It is a hard time for me to focus on Christ who is the very reason we celebrate. I have desired to be still and to meditate on the incarnation. I have craved it and longed to grasp just a little more, yet I find myself distracted, and even consumed with all the busyness.

There is one thing that keeps coming back to my mind in bits and pieces here and there, and for this I am very thankful. It is the truth that He is here with us.

He is Emmanuel. God with Us.

""Behold, the virgin shall conceive and bear a son,

and they shall call his name Emmanuel

(which means, God with us)."  Matt. 1:23

He is the Son of God who came in full humanness, and He knows me intimately-- in my utter humanness-- and He loves me. He came to save me, He is here, and He will NEVER LEAVE ME. 

In all of the fun, in the hustle and bustle, in the singing and visiting, feasting and giving~ He is Emmanuel. 

He will be Emmanuel in the new year, in the joys and hardships that await. That is who He is and that is His promise...

"And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age." Matt. 28:20b

~Katherine

Thriftiness

One of my favorite things about the month of December is baking! I let go of some of my strictness regarding quantity and nutritional quality of food, and bake way more sweets than I normally do. I wish I could bake like this all the time, but I do think our health would eventually suffer. As I type, the house is filled with the scent of macaroons, and I'm sure Jon ate half a dozen before I could even drizzle the chocolate over them.

I have wanted to bake more, especially bread. Many years ago, I used to make our bread with a bread machine we were given when we got married. I used that machine till it died. Recently, distressed by the cost and general blandness of organic bread, I thought I might like to get a bread machine again. However, I didn't want to spend a whole lot on something I wasn't sure I'd use much. I have never liked the way bread machines turn out hard loaves with thick, cardboard-like crust, so I knew there was some experimenting I'd need to do. So a few weeks ago I looked on Craig's List and found a like-new high end machine for $40. When I researched it a little, the cost of a replacement pan alone is $100. Here's the secret to really great bread: Don't let the machine bake the bread. Set it on the "dough" setting, let it do all the work, then take it out, knead it quickly, let it rise for 30 minutes and bake in a regular oven. It takes all of ten active minutes to do.

Olivia is learning how to do it on her own. Here's a loaf of organic whole wheat and oats...

And because I don't want to spend very much while we live in this house (ha! and in general), and because this Christmas has stretched my resourcefulness and creativity skills, I decided to do a little spray painting again. I had these ugly golden yellow chargers that I'd use for "fancy dinners" with the kids. Every now and then on a regular week night, we'd have a fancy dinner so that I could (attempt) to teach the kids more sophisticated table manners in a low-pressure atmosphere. But the chargers were truly ugly and I'm all for change.

Last week I sprayed them with a primer, and just yesterday I sprayed a couple coats of chalkboard paint over them.

Before...

Now...

I'll stack them with a dinner and a salad plate, and though the end product is a little more "arts and crafts" than my preferred style, I think they will be fun. The kids can occupy themselves between courses...

Here are the little place settings Olivia and I made. She stamped the names, and I tied together the pieces of chalk to the decorations.

And just for fun, here's a picture of one of my little pirates. They played all afternoon. I even let them tear up some old undershirts. They used presents from under the tree as "ship cargo" and colored their faces with with markers.

Yay for winter break!


~Katherine

What He Said

"I'm ready to go shopping with you now, Mommy."

He wore that blazer without the t-shirt all morning. The addition of the t-shirt was how he got ready. 

~Katherine

And then he was nine...

It seems like just a short while ago I sat nursing my new baby in a cold and mostly empty living room lit only by Christmas lights. I remember that newborn smell mingled with the smell of our tree, his snuggled body against mine, and the warm bag of rice grains against my aching back. It was peaceful. Delightful. I was never in a hurry to put him back down and get back to bed; I wanted to savor every moment alone with him. I was in complete wonderment, getting to know this little person that was my son.

Michael was not as I expected him to be. For one, he was a hefty 9 lbs. even though I had struggled to put on weight during my pregnancy. He was fair with blond hair and blue eyes, a stark contrast to Olivia's dark skin and hair at birth. He hardly cried, and when he did I could easily comfort him. I was amazed by my ability and confidence to care for a newborn. It was a completely different experience now that I had already traveled that road once before, and I so enjoyed it.

He was to be my baby, and I his mother. During his first couple years, he had eyes only for me. He preferred me to anyone else, and though this was exhausting at times, I knew it would only be for a relatively short time. There would come a day when he'd be off and independent.

He turned nine last week. He's not so much of a mommy's boy anymore, but he still has a sweetness reserved just for me. He loves to draw for me, and he leaves me little notes all the time. Many of these notes are in the margins of his school books, a fact that I know I'll appreciate more in time!

Michael is a confident and sociable kid. He's not out to impress, which I think is why so many types of people like him. He is amazing with little kids and babies and they gravitate towards him in a way that surprises many onlooking parents. He has a way of catching the eye and quickly making friends.

He is easy-going, straightforward, and unpretentious. I appreciate that about him, but for some reason he is still the hardest one of my kids for me to figure out! Maybe it's because we are similar in some complicated ways, and yet different in ways that complicate my understanding of him. His personhood, I believe, has an unusual depth and breadth. I pray expectantly that the Lord will use him mightily for His glory.

My funny guy in Cape Cod this summer

On his birthday, while he was giving Jacob a piggy-back ride during our hike, I told him that I had recently read a sign that made me think of him. It said: BEING A BIG BROTHER IS BETTER THAN BEING A SUPERHERO. His face just beamed. Yesterday I watched him give his little brothers countless rides outside, never taking a turn to be served. He likes to be in charge, knowing that he's coming up with games and ideas that appeal to everyone. And he just loves his sister! Their relationship is an especially sweet one, and since Michael is actually taller and 10 lbs. heavier than Olivia, that may qualify him to be her big brother, too!

We had plans to get together with some out-of-town friends for Michael's birthday, but an unforeseen obligation forced us to cancel. He was easy about it, and so happy to go mini-golfing instead. We took the next day off school and went for a hike, then he spent the evening playing with friends. He nearly always requests a less usual birthday dessert, and this year he asked for "choux a la creme" (cream puffs). It made me think of my grandmother, Maman Cecile, and how much the two of them would have liked each other.

His enduring loves: Insects and lizards

He likes to get so close to the edge of the cliff... it nearly gives me a heart attack each time!

I came around the bend in the path to discover Michael taking care of Jacob who had hurt himself and was getting tired of walking.

Michael, we love you big like the sky! Happy birthday, sweet boy!


~Katherine

Anniversary Memories

I eased into wakeful awareness this morning thanking God for a new day, praising Him for His goodness, and asking Him for the grace I would need each step of the way. Then I remembered that today is the anniversary of Jon and Andrew's car accident.

I wasn't planning on posting much, if anything at all, because it has already been three years. It's part of our story, yes, but I don't want to dwell on the same things over and over again. As the morning progressed, however, I realized just how much the events of that day are etched in my memory. Maybe I should say that the events, the thoughts, sights, smells, people, fear, relief, pleading prayers, uncertainty, and unwavering knowledge that God is always good-- all those things are seared in my soul. I think it would be safe to say that my memories of that day and the days following are clearer than any other day of my existence. Sometimes I wish it were not so because there are so many more beautiful days to remember, and this was a day I nearly lost so much.

I loved Jon when I married him, and I enjoyed being with him more than anyone else. We were practically kids and we were happy. It took many years to realize just how much I was blessed to be married to Jon, and to recognize God's care over me in giving me a husband like him to navigate through life with. He provided for me a loving leader when I didn't even know how to pick one. My appreciation for Jon has grown over the years, and it has strengthened my love for him.

On the day of the accident, when over and over again I could not obtain confirmation that Jon was going to make it, I began to prepare myself for the worst. I suppose you could say that when the worst did not happen, and when I was finally told that Jon would survive, all other bad news paled in comparison. I would say that the expectation of the worse prepared me for terrible news and horrid days to follow. It allowed me to move forward with a heart of thankfulness.

Andrew's neck was broken-- the worst category of break in his C2 vertebrae and his spinal cord was in a bent position. He also had a broken clavicle and injured lung. Jon's hands and wrists were smashed and his legs were badly injured. Internal injuries were not yet ruled out.

The long and difficult days were about to begin: Andrew at the Children's Hospital and Jon at another, and my three other small children were to be without us for many days, totally unprepared. Those days led to long months, but God proved his goodness and care over us many times over.

Coming out of the OR the first time... The procedure was only half complete because the smallest vest at the hospital was too big. Sand bags were suspended from the top of his head to keep his spinal cord straight.

Here he is after the second trip to the OR. He had 8 pins drilled into his skull, and the 4 rods and vest kept his spine immobile.

Sleep deprivation was out of this world... Here we are when I thought we were past the hardest part. The next day it was discovered through x-rays and ct-scan that his vertebrae had slipped out of position and the procedure had failed. Talk began about fusing his vertebrae together, and I so badly wanted to talk to Jon about the decision. Jon, however, was too medicated and had just a fraction of cognitive ability. Once again, God graciously provided in sending another neurosurgeon who decided to try the procedure again. The bones would never be ideally aligned, and the assurance of proper healing wouldn't come for another three months.

Occupational and physical therapists helped him learn to balance himself with an altered center of gravity... I would have done anything to take his pain.

Toward the end of the first week we went for a little walk on the hospital grounds... That was a monumental event for me.

Going home! I didn't feel prepared to care for him on my own, but what a grand day it was. And so difficult. I wouldn't want to relive this day.

After more than a week, they were together again since the initial ambulance ride.

A couple weeks later we went to see the car. It's amazing that Jon made it and still has his limbs. You can see his leather boot jammed between the front of the seat and the metal wreckage in the above picture. I don't know where his legs fit in that mangled mess!

There were many more trips to the hospital, another surgery for Jon and therapy, but God's faithfulness was evident through it all.

Entering the third month with the halo... We called it his "rocket suit"

I'm so thankful today for my guys. I'm thankful for sweet friends and for my mother-in-law who came alongside us to bear some of our load. I'm thankful for answered prayer, for God's assuring presence and for strengthened faith.

Edit, Dec. 21, 2011:

A friend emailed me this quote in response to this post, and I thought I would add it..

"What if, sometimes, there are mists and fogs so thick that I cannot see the path? ‘Tis enough that You hold my hand, and guide me in the darkness; for walking with You in the gloom–is far sweeter and safer than walking alone in the sunlight!

Dear Lord, give me grace to trust You wholly, whatever may befall; yielding myself up to Your leading, and leaning hard on You when “dangers are in the path.” Your way for me has been marked out from all eternity, and it leads directly to Yourself and home!"   ~Susannah Spurgeon

~Katherine