Conferences

Another year has gone by and we find ourselves back in the desert for another conference. My kids have grown up going to conferences, even before they were born, and this weekend we've enjoyed some more amazing preaching up close and personal. Putting on conferences has been a huge part of Jon's work for the past decade, and it has been fun to see how much he has enjoyed it.

The lives of my children and my journey so far as a parent can be bookmarked by the various conferences Jon has been involved in. I can look back on these years and see how conferences have been a test of and a measure of our maturity as a couple. Ha! I am thankful to look back and see that we've come a long way!

I suppose that unless you have been closely involved in putting together an event that brings together thousands of people, you can't really imagine the level of mental and physical energy that goes into it. I am amazed at what my husband can do, and so thankful for the way the Lord has blessed his effort.

We also have been blessed through it all.

For me, the blessings have sometimes come in a backward, even painful kind of way. That's often how we are sanctified, and in retrospect we can see the hardships as blessings to thank God for. Surely God was using my difficulty accepting Jon's weeks of busyness (that may be an understatement) to prepare me for a life of ministry alongside him, but more specifically God was using those lonely times to make me see that my joy is to be found in Him.

I had to stop feeling sorry for myself, and quit being so needy. In short it was a time for me to buck up, suck it up, and grow up!

The first year of this particular conference, Andrew was a newborn and I am sure I was under the influence of postpartum hormones. I had three kids age three and under, and the weekend of the conference was the tipping point. I couldn't hold it together emotionally. The embarrassment of it all made it worse. 

The second year I still had babies, of course, and it was next to impossible to take part in an adult conference and to see the culmination of all Jon's work. I still felt sorry for myself, and allowed myself to feel guilty because I was not appearing like the supportive wife. In those early years I cared too much about what I thought other people expected of me!

The third year I told Jon that I was expecting our fourth baby one late night when he came in to the hotel room for a few hours of sleep during that conference weekend. There's more I could say I suppose, but as the weeks following the conference continued to keep his attention, either for wrapping up the event, planning for the next year, or recuperating from the exhaustion, I remember the temptation to become bitter was strong. 

Each year, as various conferences come around, I have learned what to expect in the weeks ahead. I have learned to accept an additional load that few people realize I carry, and I have come to accept it happily. The contrast from what was to what is now is nothing short of miraculous! 

Through it all we have grown in our love for each other, moving away from selfishness and closer to selflessness.

Thanks be to God, our marriage not only survived conferences, but grew stronger!

My kids have done well all weekend, but since it is unreasonable to expect the little boys to sit through eleven sessions of heavy duty preaching I took them out to run in an empty lot next to the hotel. Then we went back to the hotel where the kids swam and I listened to the sermon via live streaming on my phone.

The next couple days will be super busy, but soon there will be time to exhale!

~Katherine

Holding on, moving on

Saturday evening, as the sun was setting, I stood motionless staring into the empty lot behind our house. I could hear a variety of birds, a frog croaking, dozens of dogs barking, an airplane making its descent, traffic in the distant. The weather was perfect, the chores were done, and my kids were tucked in for the night.

All weekend long I had put off making a phone call to deliver some news to a dear friend, but now there was no answer and I was regretting not having called sooner.

I felt excited, thrilled really, and relieved in so many ways! Yet the sting of sadness and the anticipation of loss was equally present. A variety of emotion mixed together and neutralized for the weekend, leaving me to feel nothing. It was a rather bizarre state to be in as Sunday morning approached.

I have allowed nearly a week to pass before posting anything on the topic with the hopes that everyone in our circle would be aware of the coming changes by now. I'm really sorry if you are finding this out via my blog.

After 12 wonderful years, we are leaving our current place of ministry. Jon has recently accepted a new position and we will be moving in the Fall. We are so thankful to the Lord for the sweet body of believers we will be joining, and so very thankful for the years of training and guidance we have received here. We have often tried to imagine how different our lives would be if it weren't for the training and experience we received from so many wonderful people. I think every aspect of our lives have been impacted.

I am especially thankful for the friends we have made, friends who have become family.

So as we eagerly look forward to our move -- new church and work, more friends, new community, and all the possibilities we are imagining -- I fully expect a ton of tears before our moving van pulls out. Sometimes, the experience of loss or of change exposes the depth of love and appreciation I have for something or someone. I want to savor each moment, and fully realize just how blessed we have been.

And I am going to "smile at the future."


~Katherine

What He Said

"I was just trying to kill the bees for you, Mommy."

My sweet baby boy! It hurt so bad he came running home to me the long way. His previous bee stings have been on his fingers, evidence he had not been trying to kill the bees but to make friends.

~Katherine

Swim!

Swim lessons have been a usual part of our summer plans for the last several years. Each weekday morning for the last two weeks we've been heading out right after an early breakfast. It's been cold and dreary every morning except one, with temperatures hovering around 60 degrees. It's what they call June Gloom around here: The marine layer takes half the day to burn off.

The pool where my older two take lessons is used by a high school water polo team, so the water is kept  cold intentionally. It has taken much determination on my kids' part to get in and stay in each morning. I've loved it! I love that they have pushed themselves, swam countless laps, and improved their strokes and endurance. It was especially fun to be in a class with our friends this year, and together the thought of surviving early morning laps was more tolerable.

I've wished I could join them! It would be invigorating to be in a class like that again, and I sure could use a drill sergeant type instructor to push me a little!

My little guys took lessons at a community pool close by, their class time overlapping with Michael and Olivia's lesson. Thank you, Nelly, for making it all possible for me!

These two were hilarious to watch. This picture tells it all: Andrew was determined to learn, and Jacob was there for a good time! They both had fun and were always smiling and laughing, but Jacob was less motivated to swim independently.

(I don't know what it is about my boys: They've always preferred to squat.)

After lessons each morning, I made them hot chocolate to warm up. On this particular morning it was necessary to run errands before returning home, so we made a quick stop at Starbucks. Don't worry, they don't have black eyes. They like their googles on so tight that their eyes do look a little messed up for a while afterwards.

I didn't take any usable pictures of my older two, but this morning I tried to take one of my four all together. This was the most useable. Andrew looks like he's posing as Mr. Bean and this was Jacob's most decent pose. I can't help but laugh.

Now if the weather would only clear up, we'd head to the beach for a change!

~Katherine

Our greatest need and undeserved blessing

Some flowers from one brother to a sister. He said, "I wish I could marry Olivia when I grow up. Too bad God says you can't marry someone in your family." 

He just melts me.

My flower came from another boy and I'm not even sure which one. I heard the door open then immediately slam. This flower was left for me on the floor. I'm glad he thought of me, whoever he was, while he was out at play.

Here's what I read early this sleepy Monday morning, and I was glad for it. It's my great desire, my pursuit.

“When the abiding in Christ becomes close and unbroken, so that the soul lives from moment to moment in the perfect union with the Lord its keeper, He does, indeed, keep down the power of the old nature, so that it does not regain dominion over the soul. We have seen that there are degrees in the abiding. With most Christians the abiding is so feeble and intermittent, that sin continually obtains the ascendency, and brings the soul into subjection. The Divine promise given to faith is, ‘Sin shall not have dominion over you.’ But with the promise is the command, ‘Let not sin reign in your mortal body.’ The believer who claims the promise in full faith has the power to obey the command, and sin is kept from asserting its supremacy. Ignorance of the promise, or unbelief, or unwatchfulness, opens the door for sin to reign. And so the life of many believers is a course of continual stumbling and sinning. But when the believer seeks full admission into, and a permanent abode in Jesus, the Sinless One, then the life of Christ keeps from actual transgression. ‘In Him is no sin. He that abideth in Him sinneth not.’ Jesus does indeed save him from his sin—not by the removal of his sinful nature, but by keeping him from yielding to it….

The evil nature, the flesh is unchanged in its enmity against God, but the abiding presence of Jesus keeps it down. In faith the believer entrusts himself to the keeping, to the indwelling, of the Son of God; he abides in Him, and counts on Jesus to abide in Him, too. The union and fellowship is the secret of a holy life.”

Andrew Murray

Abide In Christ, 201-203

Psalm 5:1-3

"Give ear to my words, O Lord;

consider my groaning.

Give attention to the sound of my cry,

my King and my God,

for to you I pray.

O Lord, in the morning you hear my voice;

in the morning I prepare a sacrifice for you and watch."

My prayer today is that my sacrifices would be of love and devotion to my God, and that by His power I would love those around me selflessly. It is such a wonder that I would be invited to abide in Him; I pray that I would entrust myself to his keeping, and that by the power of His indwelling Spirit I would have victory over sin. It is my greatest need and undeserved blessing to have perfect union with him, moment by moment.

~Katherine

A Better Way to Ride

My little boys have been coming up with all sorts of ways to ride around our lane. It's cute to see them work together and come up with so many different combinations of things with wheels. Sometimes they are safe, other times I have to ask them to wear a helmet. I'm glad I forced myself to stop my work to capture a few examples of their vehicles.

Wagon riding is always a favorite. Usually it's Michael whose towing the little ones. Sometimes I watch them and wish it wouldn't be so weird for me to go for a ride...

They also used their bikes and a skateboard to come up with more moving contraptions. It's so fun to watch them!

Oh yes, and sometimes the things they come up with are less fun for me. Like yesterday Jacob was playing in his room and asked me to look at the airplane he had build. He had taken a hair clip and intersected it with a long, slender black thing. Upon closer inspection, I realized it was a lizard's tail. He knows not to bring such things into the house!

I'm just waiting for the day when I find a fried lizard in my drier. I can't believe it hasn't happened yet considering how often my boys carry these "pets" in their pockets. Often times they come out limp and, according to them, "tired, or something." 

Ahh, fun times.

~Katherine

Our kind of playground

In my opinion, the great outdoors makes a way better playground for my kids. There's so much more to explore! Natural beauty doesn't even begin to compare with man made plastic structures and the surrounding suburb fake-ish landscape. We never leave out of boredom the way we often do a neighborhood park.

I smile when I think back to the hours we spent hiking these rocks last week. If you recognize this place, you know how spectacular it is. So much so that when we arrived in the morning, there was a film crew set up with all the trailers and trucks and equipment. This type of stuff hardly interests me any more, and we were bummed because it meant we had to go on the opposite side of the cliff we wanted to hike. After we had hiked up for a good distance, when I knew we were out of site of the crew, we circles back over to sit in the sun and munch on peanuts. Suddenly a man, huffing and puffing and red in the face, appeared over the edge of a boulder to ask us to move. Apparently our voices were being carried through the canyons and picked up on the sound recording. Oops.

It's interesting to see the differences in each of my kids. They all come from the same parents and live in the same house, but the differences can be amazing. Some are fearless and invincible (or so they think), while others are more cautious. Obviously we were all on the alert for rattle snakes, but Andrew's paranoia was hilarious. Every grass that rustled or cricket that cricked sent him running. He eventually calmed down about the snakes, but it took time for him to try scaling the rocks. Yet every time I forced him to climb a little (in order for us to stay together) he was glad to have conquered a fear. 

Conquering fears. It's hard stuff. In most cases the battle is mostly in our head, and totally conquerable. I want to raise kids that can face their fears head on, and learn to understand what is worth fearing and what fears need to be crushed.

(This was probably a much more sanitary "sand box" than any community park!)

I had some pretty persistent fears recently which could be reduced down to one thing: The fear of man. It is never a fear worth having, and certainly it's not a God honoring fear. Had it not been for the help of the Lord, I may have pressed those fears onto my children in a harmful way. The thing was, I wanted to be liked and accepted by a certain group of people. My fear was that my kids would misbehave and mess things up for me. I was afraid that I would be judged solely on the basis of my kids' behavior.

I never want to tell my kids to behave a certain way to make me look good, or to behave well because they are the pastor's kids and people are always watching and scrutinizing. That's a sure way to make them run for the hills, especially as they get older. It's a great way to get them to resent us, their parents, and to run from the hypocrisy they would associate with Christianity. 

They need to know that obedience is always for the Lord. I need to remember that too. And when my kids misbehave, when they disobey, it is an offense to God first and foremost. It's not about me, and my response to it can be God honoring.

That is so freeing for me. It removes so much of the pressure. If I am not accepted for whatever reason, I'm OK with it because God is my judge. Really, the obsession is removed and my focus is put back into the proper place.

If I'm rejected because my kid misbehaved, then fine. I can't blame my kids so much. Rather I can work with them knowing that I mess up too. And if I am not liked based on my personality, perceived strengths and weakness, I can rest in the knowledge that God has made me who I am on purpose and for His glory. And again, that He is the measure of all things. 

My fears are lifted and I become free to live as He made me. No one can alter or change what He has planned for my life, and so I live eagerly expecting to see what will unfold, what He has in store for me.

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I never intended for this blog to be some sort of teaching platform. Not at all. This is for me now and it may be helpful again in the future.

~Katherine